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I could no longer wish that Nick would return as his place was obviously with his wife and child. I had to accept we really were over. There were other boyfriends but nothing lasted.

When to have a funeral after the death of a loved one

For a while I thought I was doomed to attract men who didn't want to stay. I now realise these were just transitional relationships. After a few years, I moved miles away, met John with whom I've been very happily unmarried for 24 years and I never gave my ex another thought. Then a few weeks ago, I heard that Nick had cancer and hadn't long to live. I went into a tailspin, which makes little sense to me.

Anticipatory Grief: the nitty gritty

I was devastated. I just had time to get a letter to him to say goodbye.

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He accepted he was dying. That made it a lot easier for everyone who loved him. I needed to let him know it turned out all right for me in case he still harboured guilt, which I knew from mutual friends he did for a while. I wanted him to go in peace. I gave him that as a gift. Apparently, he was really pleased to get my letter and planned to reply just as soon as he felt a bit better.

But that day never came and he died a few weeks later. Till then, I'd always assumed his death would mean nothing to me. But I've been very upset and can't work out why. I'm reliving the loss of our relationship all those years ago. I'm right back there, watching him pack, wishing like hell he wasn't going. Please don't leave me, don't leave me. Come back.

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Change your mind. I'll wait. I'm that person again.


The person I stopped being 30 years ago. I have constant earworms of old Al Stewart break-up songs — yes, it's that bad. Does this mean I never got over it? No, definitely not says psychologist and relationship coach Susan Quilliam. Clearly you've got over it. You're happy in another relationship, and that wouldn't be possible if you hadn't recovered.

What to Do After Someone Dies

It's the same raw emotion, the same abandonment and loss experienced when it broke up. This grief reaction takes you back to when he left. Quilliam thinks grieving for past partners will become more common as we live longer and have several important relationships throughout our lives. But grief is so lonely.

With previous bereavements, I've been able to share. Not this one. Otherwise, the contact will be notified only when your death has been reported to Facebook, and your account is memorialized. Most large Internet companies, citing federal privacy laws, will not allow your family to access your account after death.

Legal Language Blog

Listen to the most important stories of the day. Contact us at editors time. Bloomberg via Getty Images. By Jack Linshi February 12, Facebook just made death a little less scary. If death happens at home without hospice, try to talk with the doctor, local medical examiner coroner , your local health department, or a funeral home representative in advance about how to proceed.

Arrangements should be made to pick up the body as soon as the family is ready and according to local laws. Usually this is done by a funeral home. The hospital or nursing facility, if that is where the death took place, may call the funeral home for you. If at home, you will need to contact the funeral home directly or ask a friend or family member to do that for you.

The doctor may ask if you want an autopsy. This is a medical procedure conducted by a specially trained physician to learn more about what caused the death. If your religion or culture objects to autopsies, talk to the doctor. Some people planning a funeral with a viewing worry about having an autopsy, but the physical signs of an autopsy are usually hidden by clothing.



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