On the whole some of our posts are longer, and some shorter, and without fail, I always value the longer ones as much as I do the shorter ones. There was something important in that longer post that needed to be shared by the poster, or seen and read by the reader. I used to feel bad about waffling on but since my diagnosis and seeing it written in black and white well, black on white that I provide too much info verbally and in writing, I no longer care so much.
I was told that a lot over the years, personally and professionally. That sometimes I shared so much information that it was too much to process in so many words. As you said, this is the real me. It is liberating for sure. Knowing where I have challenges allows me to take them into account and in fact be even more productive in those areas where I really shine, instead of trying so hard to shine all over the place and fit into what the social norm says I should be doing.
I feel like a lovely old wooden screen door with all the pretty wood trim at the corners and the well worn and loved paint around the edges and handle and the sweet, warm scented late spring breeze is moving through me. Umm, yes Liz, nice. I forgot the flowers, and one of my favorite parts, when the door opens and closes and there is that sweet squeak and then the slap as the door hits the frame on closing. I still remember it to this day. I think this is a huge part of it. In the comments it was addressed several times that apparently increased avoidance decreases fear. In consequence, should diagnosis and professional psychological assistance not pay more attention for which differences to NT behavior there is no need whatsoever to develop coping mechanisms?
Oh yes, for sure. Over the years I have read via sociology ideas about society and social norms and who determines what they are, what is socially acceptable, and it varies from culture to culture. The things socially important to someone who lives in the remote regions of Alaska, is in general different from the person who lives in a highly dense city of five million. In the 21st Century we are more a melting pot than ever. With the advent of high speed communication — the web — and people relocating all over the globe we only have to open our door in a larger city to visit many cultures in a few square miles.
In general we are not judging our Norwegian neighbors for their love of lutafisk, or trying to change the way another Hmong neighbor celebrates a family holiday. So perhaps we as Aspies — the ASD family, are our own culture. We can respect your culture, though we might not eat lutafisk, we ask that you respect ours.
I apologize if there are any Norwegian Aspies out there ;. My ancestors are Norwegian and one of these days I will make a trip to the region. It suggests that we think about brain diversity in the same way we think about biodiversity and cultural diversity. I know right! Oh, I love that description! Blissful seclusion indeed! It was a lovely quiet evening here as well with happy new years wishes texted or otherwise sent via social media. For me answering these questions depends on how I feel on that given day and in that moment.
If I am in sensory overload already I will more likely be feeling anxiety and more likely to not go to the mall, a movie, or anywhere in public. With my diagnosis comes listening to myself and my needs and making other arrangements if I need to. I told my kids about my diagnosis the day after Christmas and they were wonderful, supportive, and supported me in becoming the advocate that I want to be for Autism. Out youngest daughter even grabbed my iPad and created a tumblr page for me and said do it mom! The best thing I can think of to personally do in creating a support system for myself, and becoming an advocate is to help in educating about Autism and being on the spectrum.
If I want others to understand me, to go beyond a Rainman stereotype, I have to do my part in educating them, and at the same time, doing what I can to understand how they process. NT and ND. That begins today. Thank you! You are very kind. I published the first post last night and have another one ready to go in a little bit.
The Psychological Impact of Information Warfare & Fake News
Right now the blog is housed along with my website but that will be changing soon. One of my special interests — shared passions is love of nature, Gaia, Permaculture of if you will. This… can be understood as soon as we recognise that the evolutionary process is from the beginning a spiritual as well as a physical process. WE have the power to tell our own story as people with ASD.
There is a new story afoot. A new myth to be told about ASD and who we are. Be that through spoken word, music, art, a keyboard, or a host of other ways. Just looked: Post number two is already out as well! Hopefully everything remains in intact. Everything is backed up! I mentioned above that I am renaming my website and blog hosted by Bluehost which supports my WordPress blog-website.
About Meghan Duffy
Wisdom Tara is my Buddhist name, given to me when I took refuge in Buddhism in Being given the name is a whole story in itself which I will share about on Wisdom Tara. Just a heads up here. As part of the process of claiming my Aspie self, and advocating for Autism I have renamed my website-blog. It may still be showing up as Cantadora LLC for a little longer but the new domain, Wisdom Tara should be fully in place by tonight. Thank you, and nope, not way too long at all. In my mind, we all have something important to share. Sometimes our posts are longer, sometimes shorter.
Thank you for creating these Test Tuesdays. I so appreciate the time and energy that goes into this. I equate fear with stress. I fear stress … im always looking for ways to avoid it. Public restrooms and restaraunt dishes are stressful things to ponder. Therefore, I avoid using these things. So, I have high avoidance for alchohol. The choices were too vague. And I find it fascinating all of our collective answers but I completely agree that it really is all perspective.
Ew- I forgot about restaurant dishes! And as someone else pointed out that avoidance does not always affect quality of life. I bet it could add to the standard textbooks on ASD. I suppose way down here, deep within the comments is as good a place as any to say that our collected wisdom here is being preserved by the Brock University archive. What really interested me about the project was having all of the comments preserved with the posts in a form that will be available long past the life of this blog. The comments here are an invaluable record of our lives as autistic adults and are collectively and individually so valuable in that respect.
Mouth open! Someday sometime somebody might make use of it in a constructive way … what an inspiring thought. Interesting…I wonder what will be done with it? Hopefully something… good. Thanks for sharing that info: Your blog is invaluable and I am glad people are paying attention to that wisdom:.
Perhaps it will simply collect dust, but I hope not. Perhaps there should be a betting pool. Second, the calculation will be completely wrong. Third, I have too much free time these days. Enjyoing said free time immensely. That sounds reasonable. There are posts but some have huge numbers of comments, so it likely evens out in the end. Oh, I have goosebumps! I just saw your post.
How freaking cool is that! What an awesome legacy to share with others. There is so much wisdom and heart here. I hope my blog and work for Autism can touch others the way that you and your work does! My personal bias is for added support for those of us who have married and bred. Heheh, might read a bit like an instruction manual though. If butt clean, pat back. If baby not gassy, give food. If not want food, give nap.
If just crying, pray for salvation. I have a feeling your parenting advice would be a huge hit. But once you hold that baby, they expect you to instinctively know everything about children except for giving them plastic bags or shaking them. Burping was easy but it took me ages to find the first guide on how to work the other end when he got gassy and upset about it! When I get around to that parenting blog, farting the baby is going to be high on the writing priorities list.
I remember the colic thing with my kids. Our youngest had it the most noticeable, but all three had tummy upsets. All three of them were champions in their own right with projectile vomiting after eating, especially our oldest. All three had allergies equals tummy and skin , and I knew it even early on because they were breast fed and if I ate something that did not agree with them, it would show up in either more gas, worse yet an explosive diaper, or skin rashes.
Poor things. I think the checklist for me would have been more helpful as they got older and I struggled with emotions and how to respond, and things like me having a dissertation level discussion with them when all they had wanted was a simple answer to a question. Oo, poor babies! I can imagine how rough it was on you both dealing with colic and allergies. The closest mine ever came to colic or a bad reaction to something I ate was the one day I absent mindedly had four pieces of garlic toast. Twelve hours of crying.
Why Do Humans And Primates Get More Stress-related Diseases Than Other Animals?
I personally hate a diaper that comes after a feast of olives. He loves them, and I pay for them. Another mom said she had to be careful with corn, it made her baby sick. Oh, Giggling out loud! I love that! We learned we are going to be grandparents for the first time and I went looking for Aspie resources to share with our daughter for her pregnancy and there is diddly squat out there on this topic.
We need an instruction manual! My kids are all grown now and I know it would have been nice to have had an instruction manual. For sure what Dr. Sears was writing about for NT parents was not written in my language. He might as well have been writing Greek. I am chronicling it all on my new blog, with my kids blessings. We could do with an instruction manual for the whole of life — a whole series of checklists for every eventuality. But I wish my mother had had a checklist for having kids, might have made a big difference…. Your mother and my mother.
Years ago as I was trying to figure this whole thing out I was reading and studying esoteric, quantum physics and the like and I remember coming across this book called ET I chuckled, but I also felt more than a little drawn to the title and did buy it at some point and read it. It was a little hardcover, an easy read. All these years later being diagnosed Aspie-ASD and I think of that book when I read how many of us talk about having been left off on this planet — not being from here.
An Aspie manual would come in handy for sure. Thank goodness for all of the helpful books that have come on the scene lately from those of us on the spectrum. Not checklists, but for sure helpful. All the Aspie books coming on the market really do help. Plus I love reading and learning so nothing to lose! True that! The legal paperwork is especially demanding and exhausting! Oo, congrats on the grandbaby! My mom says grandbabies are extra special because you get to spoil them rotten and then send them home.
I just finished having a support person come with me once a week to go to different gas stations to learn to pump gas on different pumps and use the car wash. I used to have to travel across town to the only full service station in the area. That sounds like it would be fun! Did the support person point out the sneaky pumps to you? Always, always check the pump labels! I used to enjoy car washes when I was a kid — it was like being in a space ship or something, and safe because my dad was there.
Oh, olives and garlic, two of my favorite things. I like to bake the garlic and then spread it on toast with a bit of butter or olive oil. I do think there is something to be said for being Aspie and how we react to things that might often stress NT parents. We are so excited and looking forward to meeting little Bean our nickname until baby is born in late Spring of this year. Great fun! Made me smile at that! OCD conversations with myself are a pretty regular thing. The whole static pages thing is interesting for sure.
I used to use Typepad for my blog-website combo and then switched to WordPress. While I love much of what WordPress can do things like static pages and blog pages, and trying to create links in the sidebar that will open in a new page and not take the reader away from the blog still trying to figure that out are a work in progress. I did get twitter linked in to my blog I think , but still working on the link thing.
You could always choose a topic page for a static page and then later change what you have as the static content to something else? Just a thought. Only the oldest is in baby making mode right now but it will come for the others too. Or for mom to cry into when her baby goes to college. Man, that OCD with chronological stuff!
Maintaining and Enhancing Self-Esteem
I am losing this battle. That great that yours is in the archive! They have mine also. I think its neat that a University in Ontario is actually doing this. I guess because they have a big disability studies program there. York, for sure, has a disability studies program and UofT has the big reference library. I guess they probably all share anyway because anyone can access our stuff from the fonds. Oh, that is so cool! Not one but two in the archive. What is the US doing to also save this work, study it, learn from it, help others with it. There are actually more than two.
Thanks for letting me know. Now if all of that information can be put to good use. Well done, Brock University library, wise choice! There are so many more practical implications of this development. Er, that is a bit embarrassing but thank you for looking it up.
I love facts of all sorts. First of all English is my second language so bare with me… I scored fear 32, avoidance 33 total of I was diagnosed with general anxiety about ten years ago and im taking Paxil for it. It does help me but not as much as I would like. After doing some research I realize that what I have might be A. My main issues are a great fear of public speaking and crowded places specially small crowded places I tend to sweat ALOT. Mostly my face and my palms. I do not have problem looking strangers in the eye or having a small talk specially if it is outdoors If I am seating in a restaurant I always worry what if my face starts to sweet and I cant even enjoy my self.
If any one know ways to deal with sweaty face I would love to hear it. Probably due to a combination of how often I use humor as a default response out of desperation and my tendency to say stuff that most people keep to themselves. Close to your experience, Liz. What is funny about my non-functional jokes escapes most people until I explain which of course kills every funny remark.
Pffff, saved. Only black humor works, sometimes. Ha, yes, that too. Just had a real LOL: Why do all use a lot of smileys here? Answer: so that I get its a joke. Good one! I understand the concept, and learned it through reading literature. But my expression in real life is put on purposely, just like emoticons. Frowning is only slightly less perplexing than no expression whatsoever.
I was just being polite. Meanwhile, isnt it interesting that we can pick up on most people in movies but not in real life? I think. Even NT people who LOVE movies, and know a lot of things about movies and can discuss a great deal about movies, do not notice a lot of these kinds of things. Do I need to leave out articles so they have less words to process?
Use less syllables? Have they suffered an important cranial trauma…? And not just because of the night scenes? Matrix had a good excuse, they purposely used green and blue tones to tell the two worlds apart. I tend to notice things like that in movies, props, locations, lighting, background people extras machines, vehicles, etc. I point them out to people and they often totally miss it. Of course I already knew that! I struggle even going out on a walk with the dog.
I worry I will come across another person! I love how this test is constructed. I agree that separating the fear and avoidance is mandatory for actually measuring social anxiety. I think that autistics are prone towards developing anxiety disorders because of the kind of social traumas to which we are vulnerable. I could not respond directly under your post Liz. My husband just shared this article with me. He found it on MSN. My husband shared this link and related article with me this afternoon. Sounds accurate to me, and yes, this is referring just to the social anxiety things, not the asperger things.
Two different things that while they effect each other, they are not the same.
One thing I wonder though is if gender may skew results, for example men and women would interpret public urination differently, and are socialized differently on how to deal with fear and anxiety. I apparently have severe social anxiety with a soaring score of 98… Yikes. A lot of people really praise therapists and various anxiety medication, but that involves going to see a stranger in the first place, so that always threw me off of the whole process.
Get a sibling, a cousin, a parent, relative, a spouse, a friend, or a somebody you feel really comfortable with to accompany you as much as possible when you need to venture out, perhaps even to the therapist to get started on counseling, coaching, or suggestions on what to eat or take to ease those irritating stomach butterflies. I benefited from a more watch-and-learn approach. Like being in my own secret world,an absolute living nightmare! Certainly no in-depth work on the real me. I feel for you. It sucks not being able to tell people something so important….
Thank you Liz for sharing your thoughts,I have this website quite helpful as sometimes it can feel your the only person going through the symptoms and outs reassuring to know there are other people going through the same thing. I hope you to find a way to make sense of it all,I know what a nightmare it can turn your life into.
Cheers Michael. A lot of these things e. Also, sometimes the question has multiple answers. So how can I answer that? So, yay. The ones that I hate parties, presentations etc. I know some people with SA who are terrified of saying no to sales people! I notice that as I get older my world gets smaller and I avoid things that I used to do. Part of this makes me smile, but at the same time I do wonder quite how tiny my world is becoming.
You are commenting using your WordPress. You are commenting using your Google account. You are commenting using your Twitter account. You are commenting using your Facebook account. Notify me of new comments via email. Notify me of new posts via email. Develop a background sense of dread. Become increasingly irritable, withdrawn, restless and avoidant. Resolve to go anyhow. Get ready for the event way too early then sit around in my fancy clothes waiting for the precisely calculated minute at which I need to leave the house so as not to arrive too early or too late.
Forget five minutes after I arrive how much I dreaded the event or even why. Stumble through the event with my usual atypical mix of being socially awkward, overly informative and very interested in anything on the periphery of the event. Leave at the earliest opportunity. For reference, a total score of 55 is the cutoff for social phobia. Like this: Like Loading This is true of a bunch of the things where I had higher avoidance than fear scores. Weighted blankets are fantastic if you find pressure calming!
Welp, I scores high! I wonder why that is. Love this community! That kind of angst would likely disappear for many of us. Food for thought. Related to my earlier post today on Cultural context.
- Testimonials from people that have been helped by Noah Elkrief?
- How to Cure Anxiety — One Workaholic’s Story, Six Techniques That Work.
- Exquisite Figure.
- Faded Purple - Journey from Beginning to End.
We are a culture! As you might imagine, I found some curious things in the literature. When my thyroid condition first started, I was about pounds. But the condition caused my metabolism to go haywire when I was about 24 to Starting in February around I went from that to about This was dramatic and scary as you might imagine. Most of my family and friends thought I was a drug addict. Having held a high security clearance, I would never have touched anything like that because I would never have jeopardized my future in that way.
As things turned out, I ended up pushed out of the lives of my friends and family. I ended up homeless, bereft of my son, and living in a Ford Escort in New England. It was winter time, so this was not a pleasant time to be sleeping in my car. I lived like this for almost a year, bouncing from homeless shelters, to friends couches, or living in my car. It was very difficult, and the only way I got out of it was to re-enlist into the military. After many arduous situations, I finally ended up being seen by an older Colonel who diagnosed my condition, and changed my life.
When they treated me, my thyroid function was eradicated, and I went from being to pounds in about 3 months. I was working out in a gym a lot, so this weight gain was muscle at first. Over the next ten years, I went as high as , and felt horrible. I was continuing to hone my mind, but as I discovered in my research this past spring, that weight, the lethargy that overcame me, was accompanied by anxiety and a kind of mental fuzziness that destroyed my muse.
I discovered that a side effect of the medicine actually would cause me to be ravenous and crave foods in an uncontrollable manner. So when my medicine changed this past spring, and I found myself suddenly pushing my plate away half uneaten, I was somewhat shocked.
Since May I have lost about 20 pounds, and my mental state and energy have also changed dramatically. In addition, my more youthful fearlessness and determination have returned. The entire experience has been astounding. So I am sitting here, late at night again, but not because I am fearfully unable to sleep, but because I am happily and excitedly looking forward to the future again. Corresponding with you before gave me some level of inspiration, and looking back I wanted to see how you were doing.
In addition to my own burst of energy and life, I have become suddenly incredibly concerned with the well being of those that I know. My best wishes, and I hope you have just been way to busy to post. This would be welcome news indeed! But regardless, hoping to see another post, and hoping all in all that you are well. Thanks for your full and interesting account of the challenges you have faced and the many ways you have found to overcome them and improve your situation. One never knows. The reasons for that are many. Thank you again for your response, it is greatly appreciated. As you say, the words are easy, it is the direction and the meaning that stump me most.
When I have a feeling like last evening, it is incredibly easy to blast out a few thousand words. I get fatigued at going more than 2 or 3 thousand words at a sprint, but on occasion I will hit 5 to 7 thousand in a sitting. But as you say in your video, to do that, I need to jump around a bit and not try to belabor the single topic on that one sitting.
As for the direction and meaning, my struggle is two things. Frankly, it put me off. This very dialog is in part somewhat a self realization on the concept that when I read the writings of others, and write my response as in this dialog here, it is very satisfactory. But when I put those same words to air and share, instead of imagining how you respond to this, I might actually see it.
And I might not like what I see…. But back to that content yet again, what I want is to write something excellent, not partially good, but excellent. I have about to of unpublished work in my journals now I use OneNote, so yup, I have done word counts , and much of it is in the realm of fiction. I just need that idea, or set of ideas, which will light the blaze. I know if I just drop the torch on the pages, it will light. I just have been holding back. But over the past few days, I have felt that current again, tugging me on a journey.
I will probably not go back to my other stories, but build something new yet again, because I need crispy fresh right now. But it is time…. I then put that aside and get on with the work I need to do to earn my keep. With the market as it is at the moment, I generally have to work 5 hours a day writing to commission.
Some folks find writing groups helpful. Much depends on the group. The rest is about personality. You might benefit from applying to join one of the online writing critique groups. You get the benefit of insights, critique and guidance from other writers, but all mediated solely by the written word. With regard to perfectionism and wanting to write something excellent: perfectionism is a malady you might be advised to cure yourself of. Perfection is not only indefinable, but most certainly unattainable. Perfection is an abstract concept with no precedent in the history of the universe!
Striving for excellence is a noble ideal, however. Writing, re-writing, several rounds of editing and so on, are necessary to bring a work up to publishable standard. On the other hand, what do I know? It is interesting to come across your work this evening. I am an engineer, and a part time hobbyist writer. I am at my computer right now in order to relieve myself of anxiety when I came across your words a day and link to this blog.
In my day job, I have a lot to learn, as I started a new role in January. The work is entirely within my abilities from my perspective, but I feel a pressure to reach a level of competence quickly. And why am I not doing that very work even as I type here? Along with that, I am not close to my children, and this is an ever grinding drill in the pit of my stomach. I am always wishing I could be with them, to see them, to hear their voices. They are grown, 27 and 21, but I need them in my heart like my heart needs blood. Every beat is a minute when my heart beats without them, and ever heartbeat is the ticking of the clock, showing me how little time in life I have spent with them, my most cherished boys.
A new president, a new economy going up but with the threat of a bubble to plummet at any time. Then there is an interesting analog to your own observation. Months away from turning 50 and feeling a general sense of dread over many things both emotional and family based, as well as financial, and the yearnings already mentioned a few sentences back. What is my own ground? The where I live ground, versus the things I do ground, or the family I am from ground, or the care and love I give ground, all bits and pieces that make up my ground.
Standing it at times is to be standing barefoot on a mirror suspended on a rope bridge swinging in the wind. Terror at times, abject horror at the reality of the situation. Anxiety over this thing, that thing, everything! And why do I sit here? Up, determined to write, to find something, anything to write about.
Social Anxiety: How to Overcome Social Anxiety and Blast Through Doubt (Stress Free Life)
Then knowing that there is no profit in it for me as I have left the discipline of writing in the closet for a long time, knowing that when I look at the paper, I too often draw a blank and feel that I have nothing to say. Knowing that in my heart while I may want to be a writer, I am really not.
I sit here because for a few minutes, I was able to share some of my anxiety with another. To reflect on what I fear, and to expose it so that it is less dreadful. To take the moist oozing infection of anxiety out of its wrappings to let it air out and perhaps heal. I want to say thank you for having done this yourself in your post. It was a delicious prompt for me to do the same, and I feel akin to thee in this hour of need. I have listened to 5 minutes of your commentary on YouTube, and have only read a single post here of yours, yet in the space of about 45 minutes, I feel that I have been able to exorcise a minor demon that took up residence in me.
I hope my own sharing is a comfort in its way, or that it pokes something in you or your readers as well, pushing your inertia through your followers and readers, and cascading out to others. I think now, I am ready for sleep, the demon is either expelled, or sated, not sure which, but the stomach no longer churns. Or was it just a bad idea to have pastrami for dinner? Thanks for your long and honest message.
It runs to about words. Not bad for a single sprint! I wonder how long it took to write. How about that? You describe the subjective experience of anxiety well. This involves acknowledging the autonomic nature of experience: the heart beats by itself; the lungs work with no conscious effort; the cells multiply; blood flows; the neurons in your brain do their thing, and so thoughts arise; your endocrine system pumps hormones into your bloodstream, and feelings arise. Whatever your feelings and thoughts, they will always pass away. Things arise, exist a while, and pass away.
This is the one immutable law. It applies to quantum fluctuations and entire universes — and everything in between them. Mindfulness is an effective correction for overwhelming anxiety. I would like to tell you this: you can write and you can write every single time you sit down to do so, no matter how anxious or tired you may be. Next time, try this:. Take a few deep breaths and then let your breath settle to whatever its natural rhythm is.
Allow yourself to be conscious of what you are thinking and feeling, without judgement. Just acknowledge it and let it be. Name your intention to write and affirm that intention aloud. Then write at least one word. One is enough. If you write over one, great, but one is enough. Acknowledge that, regardless of your thoughts and feelings, you wrote. Write another word, or sentence, or paragraph.
But just one word at a time is always enough.
What you are doing is learning that the act of writing is one you need to allow yourself to do, however you feel. The act of writing is simple and easy. May I offer you another hint which may be helpful? It is the clothing we use to dress ideas, images and stories. Get an idea first. Think of a starting image, or plan the bones of a story true or fictional in advance. Do that while going for a walk, driving to work, taking a shower, whatever. So write. One word is always enough. Write from your heart, from your burning soul.
The words will take care of themselves. And then you can apply technique and craft and so on if you wish. You should be proud of yourself! All thanks to staying off social media. Wishing you well, dude. Thanks for producing helpful content for your fellow writers. Your kind encouragement is very helpful. I suppose we all are some of the time. I much prefer honesty. I wish to be a better writer, not a more delusional one!
This was a pleasure and comfort to read on a day like today, when my precarious health is flaring, and when another essay rejection has digitally landed in my guts. Even the idea of copywriting feels too far-fetched. This is where fiction should come in, right? The retreat from the nonfiction frustrations to a new world that I started writing down yesterday. Fiction refills the well that the world has frustrated.
Reading this post helped to dislodge me from feeling frozen in place to relenting and considering getting that fragment of paper from my office and letting it accompany me on the couch this afternoon. Thank you for sharing your vulnerabilities, Austin. They have encouraged me.
Thank you for your generous comment. Especially that it has helped you get back to writing. I certainly know that feeling of being overwhelmed by the seeming impossibility of it all. Just one. Write it now.
Related Social Anxiety: How to Overcome Social Anxiety and Blast Through Doubt (Stress Free Life)
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