You have the doors of Taubah. Learn to accept that the world is full with billions of love cases that have drowned in despair. Love turns the world into an existence that must serve the dictates of the lovers. We, in this state, reject the orders of Allah. Our minds enter the dark crevices of illicit sexual pleasure. The heart looses bearing and the compass of life leads us to live in an abstract framework of false happiness and intimacy.
When the human eye of the lover sets its target on another victim or another soul, then life trembles due to betrayal and the collapse of an empire of aspirations built in the atmosphere. Then only do the realities of life face us. The only do we realize the mistakes. Then only do you find yourself with an irreplaceable loss of virginity. I am not Allah, I cannot say whether you shall live with him in the Hereafter. If you have never married in this existence, I do not know whether you and other unmarried females would be wedded to persons of your choice.
Thousands of ahadith would have to be studied for the solutions on these matters. You seek a man that dumped you immaterial of how much you try to lessen the pain by trying to justify why he married another female and left you. Love and marriage is generally a mutual choice. If he does not pray that you be his wife in the Hereafter, how would you then be his wife? He has already concluded that sex and other things you flattered him with, have no more value to him. He had his sexual needs met. He enjoys another valley now.
His eyes have opened to the variety of women that exists out there. If he tasted you, who knows — How many others did he enjoy? Your parents cannot force you into marriage. You may be lucky to get a man who is a million times better than the other. Be happy. Somewhere out there, Allah has written — Insha-Allah someone else for you.
It is not ok for you to desire to be his wife when he is married to another although the Shariah allows a man to have four wives. The practicality of the matter is that most Muslim men never have a second wife. The more you live with the false hope the more you will suffer and you will let go of good opportunities to marry.
Eventually you will be a old lady with no husband. You will regret not getting married. Go get married and have Halaal sex. Ustadh, Ahmed Fazel Ebrahim 7. Recently I found that she is committing zina. Is it my responsibility to approach her? Please provide your guidance. I would like to talk to her as soon as possible. Reply Some Madhahib only allow specific family related adult Muslim males to be a Wali for a female. Some jurists of the Hanafi Madhhab may perhaps allow any Muslim adult to act as a Wali since they do not consider it essential to have a Wali.
Nevertheless, the Wali is primarily required, as given in the hadith, for the approval of the marriage. We do not find any further specified function of the wali. However, we can infer from the purpose of the requirement of a Wali at the inception of the marriage that his function is to cater for her interests in all necessary issues pertaining to the marriage. The Wali also has to be fair towards her husband and not violate his interests. Since you have come to know that the female is engaged in adultery, you should verify the truth thereof with her and ensure that she stops and that she becomes faithful.
If it is established that she thereafter continues her unfaithfulness, then I view it essential to notify her husband and end the marriage. The Shariah requirements for establishing Zina via four witnesses would be almost impossible. Therefore, the only way would be through her admission of guilt. Ustadh, Ahmed Fazel Ebrahim 8. Disciplining Those Who like that Illegal Sexual Intercourse should be circulated among the Believers Disciplining Those Who like that Illegal Sexual Intercourse should be circulated among the Believers This is a third instance of discipline directed at those who hear evil talk, believe it to some extent, and start to spread it; they should not spread such talk or pass it on to others.
Whoever seeks out the faults of his Muslim brother, Allah will expose his faults and degrade him, even if he is hiding in his house. And had it not been for the grace of Allah and His mercy on you, and that Allah is full of kindness, Most Merciful. O you who believe! Follow not the Khutuwat of Shaytan. And whosoever follows the footsteps of Shaytan, then, verily, he commands Al-Fahsha' and the evil deeds. And had it not been for the grace of Allah and His mercy on you, not one of you would ever have been pure from sins.
Thus, the spouses may look at the naked bodies of each other immaterial if this be with or without desire. However, it is preferable to abstain there from if there be no need. Also, they should attempt to cover themselves as far as possible and abstain from becoming naked before each other as wild donkeys do. Ibn Umar viewed that it is more preferable to look as this allows for greater pleasure. He replied: No, I have the hope that their reward would be magnified for pleasuring each other in a Halaal way.
Yes, they can. I am of the opinion that it is Haraam to unnecessarily take photographs of animate beings. The creation of temporary digital images may also be considered by some Fuqahaa as impermissible. Since it is permissible to view your wife when she is fully naked, it does not imply taking a nude picture of her is allowable because she is your wife.
Personally, all I can say is that if you do see your wife nude over web cam, you will not be sinning in regard to viewing your wife but may be sinning in regard to the creation of temporary digital images. Thus, I advice you to abstain from watching her nude or in clothes over web cam.
Allah knows best. To an extent of necessity perhaps some scholars may allow you to see other persons over web cam. This is equally valid in the case of a slave as well as in regard to free women. However, if he had had forbidden sex in the anal passage in a valid marriage not done for the purpose of Halaalah , he would not be regarded to have made her Halaal for any previous husband of hers who had divorced her thrice, not would the anal intercourse in a valid marriage classify her as a Muhsinah in regard to the rules of hadd, thus if she commits adultery with another prior to have had sex with her husband in her vaginal passage, she would not be stoned to death.
She should not leave him to have anal sex. If she reports the matter to the Imam Islamic caliph, judge or authority , the latter must prohibit him from such an act. If he her husband subsequently confesses to have returned to such an act, he the Imam will discipline him by punishment to an extent that is less than Hadd. He her husband will not be required to pay any compensation to her in regard to such an act of anal intercourse since she is his wife. However, if he has done such an act of anal sex in an act of consensual adultery, the hadd of adultery will be imposed on him, but he would have to provide Ghurm compensation if he had raped her1 to the value of dowry that would be bestowed to someone of her status.
He Ash- Shafi said: and whoever does it anal sex will be obligated to have a bath thereafter, and this would nullify his hajj if this was done while he was in the state of ihram doing hajj. Translation by Ahmed Fazel Ebrahim 5. It is permissible for a female to wear such clothing only for and only in front of her husband. Since a female is allowed to be naked before her husband, she is allowed to a greater degree to wear such garments for him for the purpose of sexual appeal. In fact, in contemporary society where men often view nude women in magazines, newspapers, television; and see semi-nudes at work or elsewhere, it becomes somewhat repugnant for them to view their spouses in non-attractive clothing.
Taqwa is a different matter. When the couple are on the level of taqwa and the level of their spirituality increases, nothing stops them from engaging in sex in the dark only or without seeing the bodies of each other. The allowed should not be made prohibited nor should we impose strictness on every person since the natures of people differ.
Can I practice coitus interruptus? It was done in the early days to prevent pregnancy. In our era, condoms and various other medications are used to prevent pregnancy. However, there are many situations when a man does not have a condom or his spouse is not on the pill or other medication to prevent pregnancy.
Ahmed Fazel 2. However, as Muslims, adopt a level of modesty in your speech and abstain from vulgarity and filthy expressions when expressing your pleasure or seeking a greater intensity thereof. I think it essential to also not answer your cell phone or phone calls in this period. Unfortunately, the decorum demanded in Islamic speech is also dwindling in society. This, in Shariah terms, is immoral. My husband has indicated that when we have sex he would like to try it from behind. I feel very uneasy about this and I need too know if it is haraam and if it is not can I refuse this?
Reply It is not Haraam for him to enter your vagina from behind. You can refuse him to have sex in such a format if you are uneasy. No man is entitled to rape his wife. Allowance for a given format of sex does not imply an automatic right for him to impose himself upon you on an occasion that has to be passionate and mutually gratifying. What this man is doing is something that the scholars have stated is haraam, because even if he is only having intercourse with his wife, he is imagining himself committing zina and feeling pleasure as a result.
This is a kind of zina, because our scholars said concerning one who takes a glass of water and imagines that it is wine that he is drinking, that that water becomes haraam for him. What is mentioned does not apply only to men, rather women are included in it too and that is even worse, because usually women nowadays go out and look at people, and if a woman sees someone whom she likes, she may keep thinking of him, then when her husband has intercourse with her she imagines that image which she has seen, so both of them may come under the heading of zina.
We ask Allaah to keep us safe and sound. We worship Allaah together as much as we can, praise be to Allaah. But the problem started with me from the beginning of the marriage. Whilst having intercourse he had to tell me sexual stories and I would use my imagination, because I could not reach climax otherwise. In order to feel satisfied I have to fantasize.
The problem with me is that I feel guilty every time after having intercourse, because the images that I fantasize about stay with me— I never imagine myself with any other person at all, only people whom I do not know. I told him about this problem and he did not get angry, but I feel like it is a kind of betrayal.
What should I do? Please advise me. What is the Islamic ruling?. These are thoughts that occur to most people, especially the youth, but they vary from one person to another with regard to their type, strength and effect. So it does not go beyond human limitations or impose impossible burdens. Al-Adhkaar p. So if a person imagines haraam things that came to his mind unbidden, there is no blame or sin on him, rather he has to ward them off as much as he can.
The first view is that it is haraam, and that the one who deliberately brings haraam images to mind whilst having intercourse with his wife is sinning. This is a kind of zina adultery because of what our scholars may Allaah have mercy on them have said about the one who takes a tankard and drinks water from it, but he imagines that it is alcohol that he is drinking — so that water becomes haraam for him. What we have mentioned does not apply only to men, rather it also includes women, and it applies even more so to them, because what is common nowadays is that they go out or look out from windows, and if they see someone whom they like, they start thinking about him, then when they have intercourse with their husbands they bring that image that they have seen to mind, so each of them may be committing zina in some sense — we ask Allaah to keep us safe from that.
The evidence for this opinion is the view favoured by a number of scholars, that if thoughts that cross the mind become entrenched and may turn into something that one resolves to do, then they come under the heading of things for which one is accountable, and that haraam fantasies that a person deliberately calls to mind are not covered by forgiveness, because they have been thought of deliberately and the person will be called to account for that.
Al-Nawawi may Allaah have mercy on him said: The reason why passing thoughts are forgiven is what we have mentioned above, that they cannot be avoided. But it is possible to avoid dwelling on them. Hence dwelling on them is haraam. Al-Adhkaar They said: That is because there is no resolve or determination to sin in fantasies. He may imagine that he is having intercourse with that woman, but there is no resolve in his heart or any plan to do that, rather he may refuse if given the opportunity to do it.
All that is happening to him is that he imagines something reprehensible as something good. It seems that the correct view is the view that such fantasies are makrooh, even if we do not say that they are haraam. It is to be expected that sexual fantasies may lead to a person committing haraam deeds. A person who frequently imagines something and wishes for it will inevitably develop the motive to do it and will try to do it a great deal.
So he starts by looking at haraam images, and his eyes become accustomed to looking at haraam things, then he will try to fulfil his fantasies. For all of these reasons, our advice to everyone who is tested with such fantasies is to hasten to put a stop to them and rid himself of them. The following means may be of help: 1 —Completely avoiding everything that may provoke such fantasies, such as haraam movies and TV shows which are shown on satellite TV, as well as avoiding reading stories that generate such fantasies.
We have already discussed on our site the fact that it is haraam to read such sexual stories. In both spouses there is that which will keep the other from thinking of haraam things. If each spouse focuses on the attractions of the other, they will not be distracted by fantasies of other things.
How can you accept to make your husband feel like that? Try to use this thought to get rid of what you are feeling. There is nothing wrong with your going to a female psychologist or family doctor and asking her for advice; you may find something to help you in-sha Allaah. I ask Allaah to guide and bless you and your husband. This indicates that he enjoyed his passionate episode of sucking her breasts and in this process was perhaps unaware that he would be sucking out some of her milk. He thus sought a fatwa since he feared that she might have thus become impermissible to him as a wife due to having drunk milk from her breasts.
Therefore, his marriage was valid. This is a normal human instinct ingrained within men to be attracted to the breasts of females, and sucking the same results from the passionate expressions of love and desire for sexual intimacy. In the above case, a man divorces his wife within whom milk was formed due to his sexual relationship.
She then marries a male child who has not yet passed two lunar years since his birth. She then breasts feeds him with milk in her breasts that was formed as a result of her sexual relationship to the husband she had in her previous marriage. By providing full fosterage to her new husband during his years of infancy, her marriage to him this child had automatically become annulled since she became his foster mother through fosterage. However, she continued to breast feed him.
It would neither place the husband into an impure state since what he drank was Taahir pure. Ahmed Fazel …and Allah knows best I have drunk my wife's breast milk. Is that permissible? She has stopped breast- feeding my child since he is nearly 2, but I want her to continue giving me some -- is that haram? Or can I continue even if she may dislike it? This a general rule in the sacred law: No part of a human being may be sold or used for nourishment or other 'deriving of benefit' intifa' , beyond that which the Sacred Law has permitted.
The baby's drinking the mother's milk is an exception, based on textual permission, due to the 'real need' durura to do so. Wassalam, SunniPath Fiqh Team 6. Supplication Dua before sex Fatwa No. What do I have to tell my wife before sleeping with her? What is an Islamic wedding like? We ask Almighty Allah to complete his blessing on you, and make your wife a blessing for you and grant you both good pious offspring. When he meets his wife for the first time, he should put his hand on her head and recite.
You should live with her with good manners, and deal with her, as you like her to deal with you. Allah says: interpretation of the meaning : " And live with them honourably. We seek Allah to perpetuate your happiness and make your marriage full of joy. Fatwa answered by: The Fatwa Centre at Islamweb Notes by Ahmed Fazel In the very similar manner that reading the English translation of the Quran does not provide the type of reward and spiritual benefits that are granted by the Arabic text, there are indications in the ahadith towards reading the supplications directly as given by Nabi SAW.
This would enable reaping the benefits of the supplications. Thus, it is advisable that the Arabic versions of these supplications be used. Having intercourse with one wife in front of the other Is it permissible for a man married to two or more woman to engagane sexual encounters with his wives all at once? Meaning : can he have sex with one wife and have the second wife join, even if they can't see each other?.
Having intercourse with one wife in the presence of the other and where she can see is something concerning which there should be no dispute that it is haraam. Similarly they may agree to let him sleep between them in one bed. But if they agree to let him have intercourse with one of them when the other one is looking, that is not permissible, because it is vile and despicable and is not appropriate, and it does not become permissible even if they agree to it.
This covers two issues. The first is having intercourse where the awrahs of both partners can be seen. Limiting oneself to saying that this is makrooh is also subject to further discussion. For example, if they are covered with a blanket and he starts to have intercourse with her, and the movements can be seen. This is undoubtedly more likely to be haraam, because it is not appropriate for a Muslim to lower himself to such a level.
This may also provoke desire in the person who sees this, and that may lead to evil consequences. The correct view concerning this matter is that it is haraam to have intercourse with a woman in view of anyone, unless the onlooker is a child who does not understand what is happening; in this case it does not matter. But if the child understands what is happening then intercourse should not take place where he can see, even if he is a child, because a child may speak about what he has seen unintentionally.
You can kiss around the vagina and caress it. All vaginal fluids emanating from the female are Najis impure in terms of Hanafi fiqh. It is Haraam to lick and swallow such fluids. Ahmed Fazel Ebrahim 2. It would become Haraam when the penis begins to leak with prostatic fluid pre-semen lubricating fluid which is generally transparent or with semen.
Also, the man cannot suck the wife's or any other woman's vagina. Ahmed Fazel Ebrahim 3. Remember that kissing is different from sucking. Ahmed Fazel Anal Issues 1. Will this prohibit me from getting married to a chaste Muslim I have committed oral sex only oral sex, not zinaa or fornication with a man. I have been feeling the utmost remorse about it. May Allah swt accept my repentance.
This man inserted his little finger into my anus. Is this anal sex? Is anal sex only restricted to the insertion of the penis into the anus? I am in love with a chaste man whom I wish to marry but I am unsure if the marriage will be permissible due to the above act. I cannot take back my sin, I can only ask for forgiveness from Allah swt. Will my marriage to this chaste partner be legal? Answer Your marriage to the chaste person will be legal. In regard to the other person having inserted his finger in your anus, it will not be anal sex since the definition of anal sex in Islam means "he inserted his actual penis in your anus".
His insertion of his finger in your anus is a reprehensible act that is a manifestation of perversion of the mind resultant through reading erotic literature or viewing porn, etc Anal sex "penis in an anus" is Haraam even between married persons. May Allah accept your repentance Oral is also Haraam according to some scholars and Makruh Tahriemi according to others. It is a form of Zinaa but not the highest form thereof. Unfortunately Muslim females have progressed in the Satanic art of unrestricted and immoral sexual behaviour.
Thus, before marriage, the loving partners or the persons consenting to pleasure each other no more limit themselves to the Haraam act of kissing before marriage but also lay nude with each other, pleasure each other via oral or have sex. Resultantly, the respectably seeming Muslim sister or brother who subsequently marries a truly chaste person has in reality violated the rights of that chaste individual who deserved a chaste person.
No sane and morally upright Muslim male would like to marry a Muslim sister who did an oral or "Blow job" in slang terms to any man. Nor would a morally upright Muslim sister like to marry a Muslim male who did an oral or "Blow job or whatever it is called" in slang terms to any other woman. In fact, a Muslim who uses his tongue to read Quran and Zikr does not deserve to passionately engage his tongue with a tongue that sucked the sperm of another. In fact such an act, besides its Islamic implications of sucking impure fluids, is also not even allowed between a husband and wife.
You are not required to disclose your past in this regard. Allah is All-Forgiving, All-Merciful. We have also supplicated for your forgiveness.
Testimonies on Sexual Behavior, Adultery, and Divorce
The mental torture and agony you suffer in this regard is a good reminder that must eternally act as a barrier against engaging into adulterous acts and actual adultery. However, you must not eternally psychologically suffer in regard to this matter since that will harm your health and person. The act committed should reside deep behind in your memory cells brought to the foreground only when faced with similar situations.
It must not be something by which you daily afflict your inner being. Ahmed Fazel Ebrahim Johannesburg, South Africa 2. To enter her anus is haraam, even if it be with a condom. You can enter her vagina from behind with or without condom Ahmed Fazel Ebrahim 3. Firstly, the Shariah had prohibited anal sex immaterial of whatever form of joy any of the parties receive by in this form. Placing your fingers in her anal passage is a dirty act. Such filthy forms of sexual conduct is proliferated via digital porn formats and printed porn.
As for placing your fingers in her vagina to sexually excite her would be a form of masturbation that has been allowed by the jurists between married persons. Medically, by putting your finger in her anus, you placing your fingers in an area highly concentrated with bacteria.
Does your personal level of hygiene not dictate to you to be clean. It will be better for you to push your finger up your own anal passage and then taste it. This is appropriate medication for your perverted sexual tendencies. Ustadh, Ahmed Fazel Ebrahim 4. Yes he can have sex with you from behind provided that he enters your vagina and not your anal passage.
He can have you in every conceivable position for as long as his penis enters your vagina. The scholars of the Four Madhahib and other schools of the Ahlus-Sunnah unanimously, in the light of Qur'an, Sunnah, and the authentic Consensus of the Sahabah agree that sodomy is unconditionally forbidden including with one's wife.
It is declared as one of the major sins kaba'ir. Ustadh, Ahmed Fazel Ebrahim 5. Consensual Anal Sex It's very natural to be slightly embarrassed or uncomfortable in the face of this issue but we have to admit that sex is a natural part of our existence. Also, teens and adolescents will be curious and they will search for answers. If they have nowhere or no one reliable to go to because of embarrassment, they will go to more readily available but unreliable or un-Islamic sources.
This might end doing more harm than good. I hope providing this information will benefit everyone - parents and kids alike. Anal intercourse with one's wife is a major sin, whether it occurs at the time of menstruation or not. In spite of the fact that many wives of sound nature refuse this, there are some husbands who threaten their wives with divorce if they do not obey them in this matter , and some even deceive their wives, who are too shy to ask scholars about it, into thinking that it is permissible. There is no doubt that the rectum is the place from which waste matter is expelled, not the place from which a child is born.
Another reason why some may commit this immoral act is that they enter upon what should be a clean married life with some jaahili ignorant traditions and odd practices, or with memories of scenes from indecent movies, for which they have not repented to Allaah. This act is forbidden even if both partners agree to it. Mutual consent to a haraam deed does not make it halaal.
I ask Allah to bestow upon us a proper understanding of His religion and to make us adhere to its limits, for He is the All-Hearing, the One Who answers prayers. Taken from www. Question: We had anal intercourse, but we repented and regretted. We love each other very much we cannot separate. We want to marry and live a happy life. Is it permissible for us to get married? We follow the ibadhi madhab, and it prohibits marriage between a man and a woman who committed adultery even if they repent. Trust cannot be there between two who tested each other before marriage. What is your opinion?.
Firstly: You should understand that looking for the right opinion on practical fiqhi matters is something good, and it indicates that a person is seeking the truth that Allaah has enjoined. Even better than this is that a Muslim should look for the correct belief that will save him from the misguided sects which the Prophet peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him spoke of.
If you both regret what you did and have repented sincerely, then it is permissible for you to get married, and there is no reason why you should not do so. What you have quoted from some of the Sahaabah, that they ruled that a couple who committed zina and then get married would remain adulterers forever, may be understood as applying to those who did not repent.
I m 26 years old and married. My husband wants me to perform oral sex and anal sex but I have heard that oral sex is prohibited in Islam and that performing anal sex breaks the nikah marriage. Please guide me because my husband says that he wants me to satisfy him completely and if I wont then he would go to some other woman.
I want to satisfy him completely Anal is Haraam but it will not annul the marriage between you and him. However, this does not imply, that you must therefore let him enjoy you in a Haraam format. I know that as a married female it is very difficult to make certain choices. This is a test of your Imaan. You cannot be obedient to a man when he demands you to be disobedient to Allah. Prevent him all cost to abuse you. If he divorces you, Allah will grant you a better man. Have patience Sabr. They lived in the vicinity of the Dead Sea. Anal sex between a married couple does not break the marriage although it is Haraam Question I got married 6 years ago.
After nikaah I had anal sex with my wife. A year after that I gave two divorces to my wife in anger. Time passed and again on two occasions I gave her talaq once thrice and once one time. I then contacted a scholar to put me wise on the issue he said that since I had anal sex with my wife after the nikaah so after the anal sex my nikaah was void and since I gave her the divorces after that thus they did not take effect. Please put me wise whether my nikaah is there or has it broken what is the status of the divorces that I had uttered.
Response Anal sex is Haraam but does not end or terminate a valid Shariah marriage. You subsequently gave two talaaqs. You followed this with a another talaaq immaterial if this was three divorces in one expression, three divorces in separate expressions which followed each other, or only one divorce. This therefore ends your marriage. The subsequent divorce given thereafter immaterial if this was three divorces in one expression, three divorces in separate expressions which followed each other, or only one divorce has no effect whatsoever.
This response is in terms of Hanafi fiqh. Ustadh, Ahmed Fazel The curse of Rasulullah SAW on those doing anal sex Anal sex is prohibited by ijma scholarly consensus , because of the clear texts prohibiting it. Thus, the person who has perpetrated such an act should seek forgiveness, otherwise the curse is bound to effect him since it was uttered by a prophet whose supplications and curses would be accepted. The Messenger of Allah peace and blessings be upon him cursed certain matters in order that we take admonition and avoid them.
There is grave spiritual harm and there would definitely be physical, or other forms of harm in such an act. I am going to be open with you. My wife and I both know that anal sex is haram. My wife has some desires. She wants me to perform intercourse with her vaginal and at the same time me to insert a piece ice in a shape of a penis in to her rectum. Is this act permissible for us. I apologise again. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger.
It is permissible for each spouse to enjoy the entire body of the other, to look at it and touch it even the private parts with the exception of the two following matters: 1 To have sexual intercourse in the vagina when the wife is in menses or during post partum bleeding. There is evidence in the Book of Allaah and the Sunnah of the Prophet that the above two cases are prohibited. Apart from the two above cases, everything else is permissible. Indeed, the devil lures a person step by step until he leads him to commit major grave sins, by inciting him to commit small sins at the beginning, and then he gradually moves him until he leads him to destruction.
Indeed, the Prophet gave us a clear example as he said: "… The example of this is like the shepherd who grazes his herd in the vicinity of an exclusively reserved pasture but it is always apprehensive that some of his animals might get into the pasture.
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For more benefit on the ruling of inserting objects in the anus in general, please refer to Fataawa and Allaah Knows best. Fatwa answered by: The Fatwa Center at Islamweb While secularism is being highly promoted, people are becoming more and more unconscious of Allah God. Many have and are resorting to denying Him and thus severing all ties with Him. The immediate consequence of this is that such people begin a gradual process of losing the sense of distinguishing between right and wrong and eventually all wrong becomes right to them.
When they reach this stage they will do whatever is in their means to justify the wrong they are engaged in until it becomes acceptable to the people around them who are opposing them. Today there are many innovative or unnatural actions within our society that people are indulged in, some more than others. Among the many that we are currently witnessing, one of the most outstanding ones is homosexuality.
Here in Canada, gay movements have existed for a considerable amount of time. For many years they have been working hard towards the goal of complete acceptance of the homosexual lifestyle within society as the moral equivalent of heterosexuality. In order to verify this claim it is important that we refer to the book of our Creator and the teachings of our Prophet s.
Adam a. Hawwa a. Allah then further mentions the purpose of creating a female partner for Adam a. From these verses it becomes evident that the aim of Allah creating a female mate for a man and instilling within them carnal desires is to achieve procreation in order to preserve the human race here on earth.
Except on their wives But whoever seeks beyond that, then those are the transgressors. In this verse Allah has ruled out all other forms of sexual activities, whether natural or unnatural as unlawful and forbidden. This includes homosexuality. This unnatural practice originated in the satanic influenced people who dwelled in Sodom and Gomorrah during the era of Ibrahim a. In order that they should abandon this immorality, Allah had sent to them Lut a. Indeed you approach men with desire, instead of woman!
Indeed I am for you a trustworthy messenger. So fear Allah and obey me. And I do not ask you for it any payment. My reward is only from the Lord of the worlds.
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Do you approach males among the worlds and leave what your Lord has created for you as your mates? But you are a transgressing people! Holy Quran At that point Lut a. Then we destroyed the others. Indeed in that are signs for those who discern! It is for this reason the Prophet s. He has cursed each one of them i. Cursed is the one who practices the act of the People of Lut! Cursed is the one who practices the act of the People of Lut!..
Tabrani in Al-Awsat The Prophet s. Ibn Umar r. Jabir bin Abdullah r. Ibn Abbas r. May Allah save us all from developing such an unnatural habit and give us the ability to help those who are deviating far from the natural ways instructed by Almighty Allah. Jami'yyatul Ulama Canada - Sh. Omar Subedar Masturbation 1. It is impermissible for her to personally masturbate herself before you immaterial if this excites you. However, it is permissible for her to masturbate you with her hands immaterial whether she is in menstruation or not.
Thus, a dildo or any other sexual toy to pleasure the female should not be used Ahmed Fazel Ebrahim 1. Shaami vol. It would not be allowed for her to masturbate herself. Al-Azhar Fatwa The following view also advocates that punishment ought to be given to a person who masturbates. So my desires have overcome me such that I have not fasted during Ramadhaan as a result and have abstained from performing my obligatory prayers for a long while.
And now I try to exert myself, and most of the time I succeed in refraining from masturbation such that sometimes I perform the witr prayer at night and likewise before I sleep. So, with all this, are my prayers accepted or do I have to make up the prayers? And what is the ruling regarding masturbation, keeping in mind that I mostly do it when I watch the television or video?
Response: Practicing masturbation is haraam prohibited because it is seeking pleasure in other than what Allaah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala has permitted. Allaah has not permitted the seeking of pleasure and satisfying the sexual desires except with one's own wife or with that which the right hand possesses. Whoever amongst you is able, then he should get married, since that is indeed more protective for the eyes and the private parts; and whoever is unable, then he should fast, for that is indeed better for him , [Saheeh al-Bukhaaree - V.
This indicates that there is no third option for the youth to try. So, masturbation is haraam prohibited and is thus not permissible in any circumstance according to the majority of the people of knowledge. You are therefore required to repent to Allaah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala and not to revert to this act of masturbating, rather to distance yourself from that which affects excites your desires, as you have mentioned that you watch television and video and see images which excite the desires.
So, that which is obligatory upon you is to distance yourself from seeing such images and not turn the television or video on to watch these things which excite your desires. This is because this is from the means to evil, and the Muslim is required for himself to close all the doors to evil, and in return the doors to good shall be opened for him inshaa.
So, distance yourself from all evil and fitnah that comes your way. And from the greatest causes of fitnah and evil are these films and soap operas which depict women in a manner which excites the desires. You are therefore required to distance yourself from these and further remove the means to this evil. However, the acts of worship which you have already performed according to that which has been legislated in the Sharee'ah, then they are not nullified except by shirk or apostatising - and Allaah's Refuge is sought.
As regards acts other than shirk and apostatising, then they do not nullify acts of worship , however, they are regarded as sinful. I implore you to give this subject it's right, and may Allaah cause you to be of benefit. Response: I do not recall any hadith regarding the masturbator being cursed, however, I have read that a youth was sitting in the gathering of Ibn 'Abbaas radhi-yAllaahu 'anhumaa and waited until everyone had left, whereupon he asked Ibn 'Abbaas about that. So Ibn 'Abbaas said: Oh! Having intercourse with the slavewoman is better than that, and that is better than committing zinaa , [Transmitted by al-Bayhaqee and Ibn Hazam in al- Muhallaa].
And I have also read in some of the books of the Hanaabilah the permissibility of masturbating for he who fears falling into zinaa Adultery. However, the gravity of masturbating is regarded the same as eating from the already dead carcass i. And Allaah is the Most knowledgeable. Can I masturbate a man to whom I made Nikah? I was asked My husband and I have had our Nikka Alhamdu lillah.
Several months are left before the wedding party. We agreed to no intercourse until the wedding night, but he would like me to masturbate him or give him oral sex. He feels he can't wait until the wedding and he gets wet dreams every night and believes if I do this for him, he will not get nightly wet dreams and it would fulfil some of his desires. I don't feel comfortable doing this, especially since we don't have a place of our own with privacy to do such acts and the Mahr dowry has not been paid in full yet because we agreed that it should be paid in full be the time of the wedding.
I asked him to wait till the wedding night, but he believes that he has the right as my husband to get masturbated or get oral sex from me since in Islam we are married and don't need to wait till the wedding. It is Haraam for you to suck all the impure liquids that emanate from the male organ. The head of the male organ is a place, like the opening of the female organ, where the urinary discharge takes place.
Sperm and pre-coital emissions are classified as Najis in the fiqh analysis of Imam Abu Hanifah. We read Quran with our tongues and the mouth, besides allowing us speech, is for the Zikr of Allah. Imam Shafi, has not classified sperm to be Najis, but this does not imply he has allowed oral sex. Only those brainwashed by non-Islamic and animalistic sexual tendencies use sophistic arguments to try and justify the permissibility of oral sex. In Islam, once you are validly married with two adult male Muslim witnesses and the consent of your Wali natural guardian , you are free to have sex with your husband.
A valid Nikah establishes the marriage bond and needs no further wedding function. Unfortunately, some people do a private Nikah without the consent of the Wali and want a marriage function few months down the line. On the wedding date, they re-marry in the masjid so that the public thinks that they are now getting married. In the interim, they start enjoying each other and regularly engage in sex. The wedding night brings no new joy to them because they were already sexual partners. In terms of most schools of Islamic law, marriage without a Wali's consent is invalid.
The Hanifah school allows marriage without a Wali's consent in particular cases. Allah forbid, many men promised to marry women, and after sufficiently influencing them, encase in adultery and Zina prior to the actual marriage. In many cases, where such males then refused to marry the female for various justified or unjustified reasons, the females are the persons who suffer the indignity. Some of these females end up pregnant, others then fear to marry any other male for fear that they would be exposed since they have lost their virginity. In your case, your husband if you made a valid Nikah cant wait to satisfy himself till the marriage night, where and how did he satisfy his lusts and animalistic desires prior to meeting you?
Men who engage with sex with diverse women prior to marriage would very seldom stick to their wives after marriage. The Indian cultural idea in some families of getting a Nikah validly done and having a wedding only few months or awhile later has got nothing to do with Islam. Islam did not refuse a married couple to enjoy Halaal sex. Some parents and families are beginning to accept that a Nikah be done on the pretext that people see their daughter and to-be son-in-law together. Thus, rather than their meeting in Haraam and going out together in a Haraam way, the Nikah must be done to justify their talking and going out to eat and other places.
At the same time, they stipulate that no intercourse takes place till after the wedding function. This simultaneous stipulation is absurd since all adult Muslims who are married know they can have sex. Parents turn a blind eye to the reality of the case. They are actually consenting to their sexual association but denying it through an excuse of the wedding function. Where a valid Nikah has been done, consummation of the marriage is allowed and a Walimah must be done.
It is Sunnah to have a Walimah. The fact that the Mahr is not fully paid, does not prohibit a man who is validly married to have sex with his wife. Ustadh Ahmed Fazel Ebrahim 4. His wife is not very interested in intercourse so he resorts to masturbation Question: I am a man of a strong desire. I like to have intercourse everyday. When I try to start it with my wife, she refuses for weak reasons like saying she is tired or lazy to make ghusl or because she wants to delay it to next day.
So I have intercourse with her only twice a week. I cannot be patient. So I have to masturbate by my hand fearing to fall into adultery. Although I know it is haram, I masturbate about three times a week while my wife is beside me and she knows what I am doing. My wife cares a lot about beautifying herself and using perfumes, but she becomes annoyed if I ask her for sex. Am I sinful to masturbate by my hand? If yes, then does my wife share in this sin?. But it is not permissible for the husband to force his wife to do that for which she is not able with regard to intercourse.
If she has an excuse because she is sick or she cannot bear it, then she is not sinning if she refuses to have intercourse. Ibn Hazm may Allaah have mercy on him said: Both slave women and free women are enjoined not to refuse the master or husband if he calls them for intercourse, so long as the woman who is called is not menstruating or sick and likely to be harmed by intercourse, or observing an obligatory fast.
If she refuses with no excuse then she is cursed. But if it does not distract her from that or cause her harm, then he has the right to enjoyment. The wife whose husband is harming her by having intercourse too often may come to some agreement with her husband concerning a specific number that she can put up with, and if he does more to such an extent that it is harmful to her, then she has the right to refer the matter to the qaadi judge , who may determine a specific number and oblige both husband and wife to adhere to that.
Secondly: Masturbation is haraam, because of evidence that we have quoted in the answer to question no. This has been discussed in the answer to question no. If the wife will be harmed by intercourse, she will not be harmed if her husband enjoys her in other ways, so she has to allow him to do that. Both spouses have to tackle this problem in a kind, loving and frank manner; and each of them should understand the rights and duties that they have, because most marital problems stem from ignorance of that.
Some husbands are keen to satisfy their own desires, and they hasten to do that without caring about their wives or paying attention to their right to pleasure, so the wife finds no enjoyment in it and is put off by it, and it becomes a problem and a burden for her. Hence we say: Strive to create love and affection between you and your wife; pay attention to her situation and understand her feelings; avoid that which will harm her or hurt her. May Allaah help us and you to obey Him and seek His pleasure. Ruling on masturbation and how to cure the problem 2 Footnote by Ahmed Fazel Ebrahim: There is no clear evidence in the Shariah that indicates that your wife can masturbate you or you can masturbate your wife.
Allowance for sexual enjoyment in the Shariah pertains to the normal sexual act and the associated foreplay and romance or love making prior to the sexual act. If masturbation is Haraam for the male upon himself, what is the difference in masturbating himself from having his wife masturbate him? If the Shariah allows you to enjoy your wife, it does not imply that you can now enjoy her physical body in any way whatsoever e. I hope you can help and I hope Allah will for give me if it is inappropriate but as Muslims we should never be shy in seeking knowledge.
Her question was "Is it permissible in Islam to masturbate? Except from their wives or the captives and slaves that their right hands possess, - for them, they are free from blame. And whoever seeks beyond that is the transgressor. This verse also clearly orders whoever does not have the financial means to marry to keep himself chaste and be patient in facing temptations including masturbation until Allah enriches them of His bounty. Whoever among you can marry, should marry, because it helps him lower his gaze and guard his modesty i.
The hadeeth orders men who are not able to marry to fast despite the hardship encountered in doing so, and not to masturbate despite the ease with which it can be done. There are additional evidences that can be cited to support this ruling on masturbation, but due to the limited space we will not go through them here. Allaah knows what is best and most correct. That is purer for them.
Verily, Allah is all-aware of what they do. And tell the believing women to lower their gaze from looking at forbidden things and protect their private parts from illegal sexual acts, etc. More importantly, feeling of guilt and anxiety that can be complicated by missing obligatory prayers because of the need to shower ghusl after every incidence of masturbation. Note that losing hope is one of the major sins punishable by Allaah. And Allah knows what is best and most correct. Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid 5. I have read your previous answers with regard to masturbation habits, but I would like from you little more specific answer to this question.
I would be very grateful to you throughout my life, I also request you to do dua for me. On this site we have discussed many issues to do with masturbation, and we have mentioned the ruling on it, that it is haraam, as well as ways of protecting oneself against it and ways of giving it up — see question no. It seems that you have read all of that, and that you want something that applies specifically to you, so we will discuss some specific issues with you: The fact that you pray regularly, are keen not to form relationships with girls, your determination not to fall into this bad habit and your regret after doing it are all good and will be included in the balance of your good deeds, in sha Allaah.
We encourage you to carry on with that and build on it, and do not give up. Your faith has to continue to increase; do not give the shaytaan any opportunity to harm you and make you feel that you are contradicting yourself or stop you regretting and repenting, lest you become one of the doomed. If your desire overwhelms your faith and reason, and leads you to practice this bad habit, what is making you commit other sins that incur the wrath of Allaah?
What we mean is looking at corrupt websites. Fear Allaah with regard to yourself and do not fan the flames of desire in your heart by looking at haraam things or reading pornographic stories or other things that provoke desire. There is no excuse for any of that because you have control over whether you do it or not.
There is no doubt that committing this sin is less serious than committing zina, if we assume that you have the opportunity to commit this immoral action and it is the matter of choosing between zina and masturbation. But if you really want to rid yourself of this habit and other sins, then you have to rid yourself of the things that provoke these desires, such as living in a permissive country, looking at haraam things and mixing in haraam ways.
But we will tell you of two important things which we hope will help you to rid yourself of this habit and other haraam things: i First of all, we ask you: could you do this bad habit in front of your family and brothers? Could you do it in front of your friends and neighbours? Could you do it in front of any of the scholars or the Sahaabah? We are certain that your answer will be: No, I could not do that, no matter what levels my desire reached. Is that not the case? Well, do you know that you are doing it before the Lord of the heavens and the earth?!
Do you know that the Creator of the universe can see you when you are doing it? Do you know that when you do it the noble angels can see you? How can you regard Allaah as the least of those who can see you? Who is most deserving that you should feel shy before them — those from whom you conceal your action so that they will not say bad things about you, or the One Who warns you of punishment for your action?
And you do not know in what condition you will die, do you? Stop for a moment and think about it. What if Allaah were to take your soul in death when you were doing this bad habit? Would this be a good end or a bad one? What if you were to be raised from your grave when the last thing you were doing is this habit? Perhaps you have heard the stories that are widely propagated in words and images about those foolish girls whose end came when they were committing evil actions.
Who can guarantee that you — or us — will have a good end? Who has any control over the manner and time of death except Allaah? We hope that you will think about what we have said to you, and ask your Lord with all sincerity to cleanse your heart and physical faculties from sins and evils. So hasten to fill your time with beneficial things and strive to keep company with righteous people who can take care of you. Hasten to get married, for there is no permissible way of fulfilling your desires except marriage.
And whoever cannot afford it, let him fast, for it will be a shield for him. Based on this the words are addressed to youth who are the ones who usually desire women and cannot avoid thinking of their physical desires. Sharh Muslim Strive to save yourself. We ask Allaah to enable you to do that which He loves and which pleases Him, and to purify your heart and physical faculties, and to make you steadfast in faith and certain belief, and to grant you a good end. And Allaah is the Source of strength. Masturbation; resulting in leucorrhoea and hysterical disturbances; shy and timid patient Pulsatilla or 1M weekly 3 2.
Habit of masturbation due to excessive sexual desire Origanum 30 or 6 hourly 3. Habit of masturbation due to itching of vulva and vagina Caladium s. To remove the bad effects of excessive masturbation; sexual melancholia; guilty look on the face Staphysagria 3o or 4 hourly 5. Sexual melancholia due to habit of masturbation; voluptuous crawling extending up in abdomen; superiority complex Platina or 1M weekly 3 6. Habit of masturbation due to pruritus of vulva; worse at night; better during menstruation Zincum met. Habit of masturbation due to pruritus of vulva; vagina dry and sore; sadness in mind Natrum mur.
One day Joseph sold a ticket over email to a Hasidic woman planning a family trip. A mild flirtation developed when she got her ticket and made a throwaway comment about the airport code listed at the bottom of the itinerary — something most customers never noticed. You go, girl! She had an open-mindedness and a brassy confidence that Joseph found intriguing; her curiosity about the world mirrored his own.
After a week of email flirting, they arranged to meet at a movie theater. When Joseph saw Dini, he was very attracted to her. But he was struck by something else, too. The two continued to see each other, and fell in love. The community got involved. Joseph says they got involved in every level of his life, in order to prevent him from leaving his family and starting a new one. He capitulated, and promised never to see Dini again. But that was not enough.
The askan chose a psychologist to provide Joseph with talk therapy, and then a psychiatrist for medication, who started Joseph on a course of chemical treatment for sex addiction. T he Hasidic movement began in the eighteenth century in Western Ukraine. He urged his disciples to develop a personal relationship with God through mystical teachings. Today, there are about a quarter of a million Hasidim in the U. After the Holocaust, the remnants of these communities made their way to the United States, where they began to flourish, exhorted by their leaders to repopulate the Jewish people and to radically separate from the secular world that had caused them so much loss.
Many of these communities are now all but self-sufficient; they have their own ambulances, police forces, businesses and Yiddish-speaking schools. They have internal economies based on deluges of charity that cascade from the richest to the poorest. The focus of these communities is on securing the collective good.
Conformity is strictly enforced. There is also strict separation of the sexes: Men and women, who typically marry between eighteen and twenty, are kept apart before and after their arranged marriages. While sex is a taboo subject, masturbation is often discussed, absolutely verboten, and rigorously policed. A man from the Satmar community in Williamsburg, Brooklyn, told me that he knew of two rabbis with cabinets full of medications that they dispensed to boys who had been caught or confessed to masturbating, as well as to couples having marital difficulties.
Religious deviation — especially of a philosophical or sexual nature — may be interpreted as a sign of mental illness, which, for many years, has carried a serious stigma among Hasidim. Perceived aberrations are punished in the arena that matters most — the marriage market. If word got out that someone were on medication, that information could hurt her chances of making a good match, and those of her immediate and even extended family members.
But recently, non-Hasidic psychologists and psychiatrists have been making inroads on topics like post-partum depression and trauma therapy through workshops and ultra-Orthodox publications. When I did research in the s, many were reluctant to go to therapists and prescription drugs were stigmatized. These days, therapy is more accepted. Therapists and rabbis may work together, and like for so many in the secular world as well, prescription drugs for certain diagnoses are not uncommon.
Joseph is one of many Hasidic Jews in the United States and Israel who are taken by community operatives like askanim to see psychiatrists for what are essentially religious, rather than psychiatric, difficulties. One woman told me that, when she confessed to an askan and later to a psychiatrist that the strictures of her life made her feel stuck, she was prescribed anti-depressants.
She was prescribed Abilify, an anti-psychotic medication. Another young woman, who had kissed a girl at school, was compelled by the principal to see the same psychiatrist. This may sound shocking. But taken in a different light, these off-label uses are consistent with a current American mentality that uses medical interventions as technologies for optimization. Think for example of the use of growth hormones to enhance height, or Ritalin to optimize concentration, or plastic surgery to enhance beauty, or even amputations to optimize expressions of sexual identity.
Are the uses of psychiatric medications to enhance religious performance so different from these practices? And are they necessarily unethical? Jonathan M. Metzl, a professor of psychiatry and the director of the Center for Medicine, Health and Society at Vanderbilt University, told me. Doctors over-prescribe anti-anxiety medications to women, and they over-diagnose African-American males with schizophrenia, he explained, because doctors themselves live with cultural biases.
I n the course of their affair, Joseph and Dini never had intercourse. According to Jewish law, a woman who commits adultery is barred from marrying the man with whom she cheats on her husband, and Joseph and Dini wanted a future together. When a psychologist diagnosed Joseph with sex addiction, he tried to correct him. The askan also made Joseph an appointment with a psychiatrist named Dr. Richard Price. Before they went to the appointment, Joseph says that the askan coached him in what to say and how to say it in order to procure the treatment that the askan thought was appropriate.
According to Joseph, the plan in mind was that Dr. When I reached the askan by phone, and asked him if he had arranged for a man having an affair to get Lupron Depot shots, he interrupted me. Price that he could not stop thinking about sex and running after women. He told Dr. Price initially prescribed a small dose of Risperdal, an anti-psychotic medicine, and recommended that Joseph go back to talk therapy.
After that, he prescribed Lupron Depot. Joseph got the shot four times over a period of three months. I went to Refuah [Health] Center to have a nurse stick it up my ass. I had to drop my pants, turn around, and have her put it in. Price was eager to talk when I called to ask about his work as a psychiatrist catering to the Hasidic community. He invited me to his private practice, situated in the upstate New York town of Monsey, where there is a large Orthodox and Hasidic population. His office is in a two-story building at the edge of a strip mall that also houses a kosher restaurant, a kosher candy store, a Jewish bookstore, and a pharmacy.
Price is a tall man with a childlike, clean-shaven face and jet-black hair cut across his forehead in a straight line. He wore a black yarmulke and a crisp navy suit and tie. When I arrived, he told me excitedly about a treatment he had come up with for autism, which he said has high rates in ultra-Orthodox communities. He had tried the treatment on his son, and is now having the powder baked into cookies at a local kosher factory. He showed me a bag: it has a purple mountain landscape, with a blue stream flowing into two round cookies.
Price went to a Jewish day school. After college and medical school, he earned his rabbinical ordination from Ohr Somayach , a non-Hasidic ultra-Orthodox institution. This gave him the cultural knowledge he needed to treat Hasidim, he says, though he is not himself Hasidic. He serves as the medical director of the Bikur Cholim of Rockland County, a mental health clinic that serves the ultra-Orthodox community. Two thirds of Dr. Sometimes, he uses medication to treat the symptoms, if he determines that they are psychiatric in nature.
Other times, he sends the patient to a rabbi for a dispensation to eliminate the religious cause. Psychiatric medication addresses symptoms, not root causes, Dr. Price told me; symptoms like anxiety, depression, paranoia, and overall distress can coincide with living a life of strict religious practice. I asked whether he prescribes SSRIs to prevent masturbation. When he is treating kids, the school is involved.
Price describes them. Price said. The first time I asked about Joseph, Dr. He fondly patted a large and ornately embellished chest next to his chair. Price said, a psychiatrist can do very little to guard against a patient who may have been coached on what to say. Later, I returned to Dr. He read me the notes he had written neatly across a yellow paper. He blamed himself, and he never told his parents. Price stood by the treatment. When I told Joseph about my conversations with Dr. I met another patient of Dr.
Moishe told me that he suffered from religious doubts, which he believed caused him to become manic. I was completely off my rocker. The askan took Moishe to see Dr.
Moishe believes that Dr. Price saved him from a terrible fate. He would give them medication. Or is the problem with the religious context? I see it as a very, very complicated problem. It really takes an exploration of broader contextual issues. The real issue, he explained, is not whether the treatment is on- or off-label, but rather, what are the limits of medical intervention? Should doctors be restricted to correcting acknowledged pathologies? May they help patients deal with difficult life situations that would not be classified as illnesses? I asked Dr. Appelbaum about treating young men who masturbate with SSRIs.
The question is more: Is intervention appropriate? To others I spoke to, like Dr. Conversion therapy for minors has been outlawed in five states and the District of Columbia; in February, New York Governor Andrew Cuomo announced regulations to restrict its use on minors. But doctors tend to make a distinction between gay conversion therapy on the one hand, and treating patients for anxiety or depression that comes from not fitting the right religious mold on the other. Appelbaum in an email. By analogy, a psychiatrist may not be able to change the behavior of a mean boss or a difficult spouse, but can help relieve the symptoms that ensue from that situation, hopefully rendering the patient able to deal with the situation on his or her own.
I went to visit Dr. Alfredo Nudman, who, like Dr. Price, has built his career treating Hasidic and Orthodox Jews. His office is on Madison Avenue in Manhattan. When we met, he wore a gray suit and a blue shirt open at the collar; a black velvet yarmulke covered a balding head. He was tall and thin and confident. His Hasidic patients found him after he became the Unit Chief of inpatient psychiatric services at the Weill Cornell Medical College, which, he explained, was the destination hospital in Hasidic circles.
Now, Nudman says, eighty percent of his practice is Hasidic. Most of Dr. He speaks their language, literally and culturally. As for the ban on conversion therapy, Nudman is skeptical. At the same time, Nudman told me that he faces pressure from Hasidic leaders to do things he is unwilling to do. Nudman insisted that the motivations of the askuns are honorable — they believe that the only way a person could wish to deviate from the religious mores of their community is because such a person is unwell.
L uzer Twersky joined the Satmar sect in upstate New York in his teens. He also shoplifted, and stole from his parents. The rabbis he consulted told him that he was depressed, that these were emotional problems, not religious ones. They said he would not be happier if he got divorced and left the strict religious life.
A Hasidic counselor recommended that he go see Dr. Nudman, and Twersky made an appointment. Nudman that Twersky had mood swings, and that he was angry, depressed, and dysphoric. When Twersky met with Dr. Nudman, he told him about his unhappy childhood and his religious doubts, about his unfulfilling sex life and his high sex drive. During the consultation, Dr. Nudman found no evidence of a mood disorder or a psychiatric condition.
Twersky told Dr. After two months, he gave up on the pills, and a year later, he went OTD, or Off the Derech — off the path — and on to a secular life. Twersky moved to Los Angeles, where he is now enjoying success as a film and TV actor. I lived in a tent in Bushwick. I was a transient trying to be an actor.
When I spoke with Twersky about what went into Dr. Of course. J oseph eventually gave up the hormone treatment when Dini, who he had not seen for nine months, called to tell him that she and her husband were expecting a child. Joseph told her about the Lupron Depot shots, and Dini was shocked and outraged.
She told him to stop taking them immediately, which he did. She wanted to keep talking, but Joseph was unwilling to maintain contact with her. Dini, who missed Joseph terribly, persisted. The next day, Joseph and Dini were on a flight to the Bahamas, and soon after, they got divorced from their respective spouses. They have now been married for five years. Nearly every single one of his previous friends has stopped talking to him. Recently, his entire extended family got together; Joseph was invited but only if he came without Dini, so he stayed home.
He gets to see his children once a week, and talks to them on the phone every day. To this day, Joseph struggles to understand how he let himself be talked into the hormone treatment. He also is dealing with erectile dysfunction, which he believes to be the result of the Lupron Depot shots. This was the reason he wanted to share his story, to empower others in the same position.
He seemed both defeated and hopeful. Walking from the train to their home, the men I saw on the street all wore hats and side curls, the women stiff wigs and traditional mustard-colored stockings. As I mounted the stairs to the apartment on one of the occasions I visited, their upstairs neighbors, ultra-Orthodox Jews who disapproved of the couple, called me a prostitute. But the last two times I visited, I went to see Joseph and Dini at their new home, a spacious house on a leafy, tree-lined street in a gentrified, more diverse neighborhood.
Almost every night, people drop by for support, or just to talk. Even his posture seemed to have changed. I remembered my first conversation with Joseph, after which he had dug up a journal he kept during his treatment. Joseph turned the pages slowly, reading out the entries with amazement, as though they had been written by someone else. We humans are far more complex than the news headlines and clickbait would have you believe. Let the Narratively newsletter be your guide. Love this Narratively story? Sign up for our Newsletter. Send us a story tip. Become a Patron.
Follow us. How a brilliant scientist went from discovering a mother lode of treasure at the bottom of the sea to fleeing from authorities with suitcases full of cash. Thompson had long insisted that he suffers from neurological problems and chronic fatigue syndrome, which impairs his memory, and that his meandering explanations were a symptom of the distress foisted upon him. Thompson was genuinely sickened and overwhelmed, however, and he found it extremely frustrating that nobody seemed to take his condition seriously.
In the 30 years since, the weight of the find had upended partnerships, ended his marriage, and set loose the specter of greed. What began as a valiant mission of science turned into something else entirely. O n September 11, , about 7, feet beneath the surface of the Atlantic Ocean, a set of glowing orbs moved smoothly through the darkness and illuminated the mysterious world below.
That far down there are few currents, the water is close to freezing, and it is almost pitch black. The only light typically comes from the bioluminescent creatures that float by like ghosts, but in this case the lights were from a six-ton, unmanned vessel. The Nemo , looking like an industrial freezer with two robotic arms, made a small adjustment to its thrusters and hovered above the scattered remains of a sunken ship.
Video of the wreckage was relayed to a vessel bobbing above, giving the crew — and the world — the first look at a ship whose location had stymied treasure hunters for generations. It was the SS Central America , a massive side-wheel steamship that sank in a hurricane off the coast of South Carolina in The find was remarkable for many reasons. The artifacts eventually recovered from the ship were a window into a bygone era and gave voice to the hundreds of people who were pulled into the abyss. But the discovery was also a spectacular victory for pocketbooks — the ship was carrying gold when it sank, and lots of it: coins, bars and nuggets of every size surrounded the wreck and covered its decks and rotting masts.
And that was only what the crew could see — somewhere in the remains were said to be between 3 and 21 tons of gold, a haul some experts valued at close to half a billion dollars. For Thompson, the Edisonian genius who masterminded the expedition, the discovery was the first salvo of what looked to be a long, impressive career. He became an American hero, a mix of brains and daring in the tradition of the scientist-adventurers of yore.
But Thompson was subjected to a legal hell storm as soon as he set foot on shore. Numerous people and companies were vying for their share of the gold, and the unending litigation was compounded by the lawsuits filed by investors who claimed Thompson had ripped them off. In , long after the litigation had sidetracked his calling, Thompson went underground, allegedly taking with him suitcases full of cash and gold.
Months later, Thompson was staying under an assumed name at a hotel in Boca Raton, Florida, trying to keep his faculties in check. He was unkempt, unwell and barely left his hotel room, as he had been on the run from federal authorities for the past two and a half years. From the witness stand in Columbus, Thompson disclosed startling information in a story already laden with tragedy and fortunes lost — and shed light on the mystery of millions in still-missing gold.
The pressure 8, feet below the sea is times greater than on the surface, and Tommy Thompson was squeezed by something even more intense for the better part of 30 years. He grew up in Defiance, Ohio, a small city in the northwestern corner of the state. He was always drawn to the water, and he enjoyed challenging friends to breath-holding contests. When he was a teenager, he bought and fixed up an amphibious car, and he loved pranking his friends by driving unsuspecting passengers into a lake. Rife with lore, the hunters spoke of ships sunken somewhere out in the ocean with more gold than could ever be spent.
However, nobody knew quite where to start looking, nor could they afford the technology necessary to undertake the search. Following his graduation from The Ohio State University with a degree in ocean engineering, Thompson went to work for the Battelle Memorial Institute, a prominent research lab in Columbus that has developed everything from kitchen appliances to nuclear weapons. There, he was able to work on deep-sea engineering projects, at one point developing technology that allowed the U. Thompson wanted to work exclusively in deep water but was routinely warned that such jobs were hard to come by.
So he began looking for other ways to pursue this heady scientific passion. It was actually the means to an end. One of the first orders of business was to find the perfect wreck to hunt. Thompson worked with Bob Evans, an equivalently intelligent polymath and professional geologist, to winnow down the list of candidate ships. The Central America ferried passengers to and from California at the height of the Gold Rush in the mid 19th century.
Six hundred people, and up to 21 tons of gold coming from California, were aboard the Central America when it disembarked to New York from a stopover in Cuba on September 3, Five days later, the ship found herself floundering in the middle of a terrifying hurricane. Passengers attempted a hour nonstop bucket brigade to keep the ship afloat, but the engines flooded and the storm ripped apart masts and sails. The ship was doomed. The vessel let out a final tortured groan as it sank on the evening of September 12, sucking souls down in a horrifying vortex.
The loss in gold was so profound that it was one of the factors precipitating the Great Panic financial crisis of Finding the Central America would be no easy matter — proportionally it would be like finding a single grain of sand in the floor plan of a four-bedroom house. The key, Thompson knew, was to undertake a logical and hyper-organized search. Bob Evans used every known detail about the fateful voyage, including passenger and crew accounts of the weather as the ship sank, and worked with a search theory expert to determine that the wreck was likely somewhere in a 1,square-mile grid miles southeast of Charleston, South Carolina, in part of the ocean that was nearly a mile and a half deep.
Each square on the grid was assigned a number based on the likelihood that the ship had ended up there, and the idea was to trawl a sonar apparatus up and down the grid and take in-depth readings of the most promising results. Obsessed with his work, Thompson was said to be indifferent to food and sleep, dressed in a thrift store suit and hair afrizz.
As a result, the high-powered investors waiting in their upper-floor offices and elegant conference rooms were often skeptical of his bewildering presence. But time after time, Thompson would speak to them reasonably, thoroughly and intelligently. He was realistic about the low probability of success, outlined various contingencies, and emphasized that the mission offered the chance for the investors to participate in a journey of good old American discovery. Investors soon found themselves chuckling in delight at the audacious fun of the project and the inspiring confidence they felt in Thompson.
Wayne Ashby told the Columbus Dispatch in Thompson was the head of both. Under the aegis of these companies, Thompson outfitted a search vessel, put together a crew, and developed a seven-ton remotely operated vehicle capable of withstanding deep-ocean conditions. They also conducted various other experiments useful to the recovery, such as purposely giving Evans the bends.
As Gary Kinder writes in Ship of Gold in the Deep Blue Sea, the deepest an unmanned submersible had gone previous to this was 6, feet. That vehicle had been difficult to control, with only one arm that could perform rudimentary functions. The technology Thompson and his crew developed in secret streamlined and refined the submersible so that it was much easier to control and could perform the delicate tasks needed for the recovery of the ship. It was one of their secret weapons, and the mission to find the Central America was officially launched in June The mission was subject to numerous difficulties: seasickness, short tempers, errant weather, malfunctioning equipment, little sleep, and a stretch of time when the only food served was fried chicken.
Investors groused about the delays, but Thompson always managed to assuage their fears. In late summer , the crew sent the submersible robot down to check out an overlooked blip on the search grid. The control room aboard the ship, with its walls of monitors and technology that made it look like an alien craft from an old movie, exploded with profoundly human joy. Gold and artifacts were brought to the surface starting in fall , the beginnings of a haul that would grow to include gold ingots, 7, gold coins, and, at 80 pounds, one of the largest single pieces of gold ever discovered and at the time the most valuable piece of currency in the world.
Wayne Ashby told the Dispatch when the discovery was announced. When asked by a reporter to estimate the value of the haul, Thompson demurred. The first haul of gold was taken from the ship straight into armored cars by guards carrying machine guns amidst cheering investors, well wishers, and descendants of the survivors of the Central America wreck. But as it would turn out, that brief glimpse was the closest any investor would ever get to the treasure found at the bottom of the sea.
I n , the Columbus-America Discovery Group had secured its right in admiralty court to excavate the Central America site and retain possession of whatever they discovered beneath the sea. But this ruling was challenged almost as soon as Thompson set foot back on the shore. Thompson and his companies were sued by no less than separate entities, including 39 insurance companies that had insured the cargo on the original Central America voyage.
Things got even more complex when an order of Capuchin monks sued Thompson, alleging he had copped the intel given to them by a professor from Columbia University whom they had commissioned to do a sonar search of the same area. Recovery operations were suspended in because of the lawsuits, leaving the fate of the gold brought to the surface in legal limbo — and tons of gold still on the wreck at the bottom of the sea.
The back-and-forth continued until and in the process established case law in admiralty court when Thompson and his companies were finally awarded Coupled with a significant devaluing of the rare coin market, a few investors wondered about the future of their investment. The pressure mounted as Thompson attempted to balance his obligations to his crew, his companies, and his investors while being a dad to his three kids. He was right there, every time there was a hearing.
He read every page of every brief, and a lot of times he was helping with the writing, too. Army, but this later proved to be a myth. Meetings with investors became less frequent, they said, as did updates and newsletters. Once lauded for his openness, Thompson appeared to go into a shell. Thompson said that his silence was necessary to protect trade secrets.
By , some of the investors were fed up with the way Recovery Limited Partnership was being run and made moves to establish another company, this time with the investors in charge. The companies were restructured, with the reworked Columbus Exploration as a partner company to Recovery Limited Partnership. Thompson was again the head of both entities, though it was stipulated that he would draw a salary only from the former and not the latter. Much of it was sold to gold and coin dealers, and some of the treasure was displayed in a lavish traveling exhibit across the country, with Thompson sometimes making an appearance alongside his discovery.
Thompson then allegedly told investors that they would not be seeing any of the proceeds, as all the money went to pay off the loans and legal fees that had accrued since the mission began. Thompson took the coins without approval from the board, though his attorney Keith Golden maintains there was nothing clandestine about it. Nonetheless, in , two former investors filed lawsuits against Thompson for breach of contract and fiduciary duty: Donald Fanta, president of an investment firm, the Fanta Group, and the Dispatch Printing Company, owned by the family that ran The Columbus Dispatch. Dispatch scion John W.
However, he died and his cousin John F. Convinced that Thompson was ripping him off, the cousin pushed the lawsuit ahead. Thompson was next sued by a group of nine sonar techs from the original mission who claimed they had been duped out of 2 percent of the profits from the gold, plus interest. The two cases were combined with a third into a mega-lawsuit in federal court, creating a labyrinthine legal situation with a rotating cast of attorneys and thousands of motions and maneuvers that bewildered even seasoned courtroom players.
Missions to the Central America were once again put on hold as Thompson put his mind to work filing legal briefs and appeals. Once having bragged of being the subject of more than 3, articles, Thompson had long since stopped talking to the press, and now spent half the year living in a Florida mansion rented under another name. Thompson began to show symptoms of the gilded affliction. In he was arrested in Jacksonville after a sheriff observed him hiding something under the seat following a routine traffic stop.
In July , U.
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Organ had never actually met Thompson and claimed that he was out to sea. But Judge Sargus shook his head and declared bullshit. The two were presumed to be together and, some of the investors speculated, in possession of millions of dollars in cash and the gold coins.
On top of the civil suits against him, Thompson was charged with criminal contempt of court, and U. Marshals were tasked with tracking down him down. Marshal Brad Fleming told the Associated Press in the midst of the pursuit. Once the most successful treasure hunter in the world, Tommy Thompson was now the one being hunted. I n late summer , a handyman named James Kennedy walked up to the porch of Gracewood, a large home in Vero Beach, Florida. Kennedy took out his cell phone and pretended to call the landlord. I picked up my cell phone and I said it real loud.
He had been a handyman for decades, but even he was taken aback by what he found inside. Thompson had been renting Gracewood since , a home away from the hassles in Columbus, and the mansion had become their home base when they fled Ohio two months earlier. As renters, Thompson and Antekeier had always been friendly but maintained their distance, Brinkerhoff said. He searched for Thompson on the internet and learned that the tenants were wanted by U.
Kennedy himself had once found a mammoth bone and was similarly besieged with people trying to take advantage of his find. So he called the Marshals. But by that point, Thompson and Antekeier had long since fled Gracewood, and law enforcement was once again unable to determine where they went. Marshal Brad Fleming said in an interview. Based on material found in the Pennwood cabin, the Marshals were alerted to the Hilton Boca Raton Suites, a banal upscale setting where the pair of fugitives had remained hidden since May 30, Marshals prepared to descend on the hotel.
Thompson was a brilliant mind and incredible strategist, but he was not suited for life on the run. One of the last times anyone had seen him, it was a worrisome sight: Thompson was in the backyard of a house he was renting, yelling into his phone in his underwear. Think more along the lines of Dilbert in charge of the operation. But what had to be one of the most intense disappointments in the saga, for Thompson, was the fact that the excavation of the Central America would carry on without him. Kane in turn contracted a company called Odyssey Marine Exploration to finish the recovery of the Central America.
The goal was to bring the rest of the gold to the surface and ensure that the investors got paid. Thompson has significant holdings in the U. If there are dollars that he is hiding, I want every penny of it. The renewed excavation launched in April , with U. Marshals putting a wanted poster of Thompson aboard the ship in case he attempted to rejoin the mission.
The operation was quite successful, bringing up more than 45 gold bars, 15, coins, and hundreds of artifacts over the course of numerous dives, including a pair of glasses, a pistol, and a safe filled with packages. The sale of the gold was once again undertaken by the California Gold Marketing Group. O n January 27, , Thompson, then 62, was pale and sickly as he sat in his room in the Hilton Suites in Boca Raton, his body racked with the paranoid tics of a man on the run.
She took almost comically cinematic precautions when appearing in public, wearing big floppy hats and taking a succession of buses and taxis to lose anyone who might be on her tail. The hunt was led by an intimidating and extremely direct U. Marshal named Mike Stroh.
He had been involved in manhunts all over the country, but the mission to find Thompson had special resonance with him as a professional person-finder. After seven hours of following her, Marshals crashed their way into the hotel and surprised the two, screaming at them not to move. The Marshals would ultimately cart away 75 boxes of evidence from the room, but they came up empty-handed in one aspect of their quest.
Investigators found boxes in the Gracewood mansion that looked a lot like those that had held the restrike coins, but the gold itself was nowhere to be found. Thompson tried to fight the extradition. Marshal Brad Fleming said Thompson was chatty as they made the journey back, perhaps relieved that he no longer had to hide. Both pleaded guilty to criminal contempt.
T he capture of Tommy Thompson made for a fairly pedestrian end to a story that had captivated Columbus for years. Other associates were wistful about the turn of events. But the notion that not even a brilliant mind could resist running off with gold was too salacious not to report, and the allegations of thievery became the dominant narrative. It was an unfortunate bookend to the legacy of someone who had long maintained that the historical and scientific aspects of the recovery were the most important point of the mission. Indeed, the non-gold accomplishments of the Central America mission are impressive and resounding.
Michael Vecchione, a zoologist with the Smithsonian who briefly worked with the expedition, said the jerry-rigged technology of the Nemo is now standard practice for deep-ocean explorations. The mission took thousands of hours of video, giving scientists an unprecedented look at deep-sea life and revealing new species and their evolutionary adaptations, he said. Deep-sea sponges were retrieved and studied for their antitumor properties.
And the way in which they physically nabbed the gold was incredible in its own right: The robotic arms of the submersible gingerly placed a frame around a pile of coins and injected it with silicone, which, when solidified, made for a block full of gold that could be stored until it was ready to be brought to the surface. Controlling all of this were systems less powerful than those contained in the average smart phone, Bob Evans said.
The coins and other gold items recovered from the Odyssey Marine—led excavation debuted in a public exhibit in Los Angeles in February to record-setting attendance, and they were next seen in May at an NRA convention in Dallas. After administrative costs, court costs and creditor claims, there would theoretically be a distribution to the investors in Recovery Limited Partnership — the first time they would ever see a dime, 33 years after the initial investment for some.
The prison, an imposing but generic detention facility surrounded by razor wire, is about three hours from Columbus, and it is the place Thompson has called home for more than four years. It appears to be his home for the foreseeable future, as Thompson is serving an indefinite sentence in federal prison for civil contempt for refusing to divulge the whereabouts of the coins. It has been hard to deduce his motivations, even for those who know him well. His intense concentration and extreme focus found the Central America , and the same focus applied to trying to find an answer to his current predicament is taken as unwillingness to play ball.
Only two of the hundreds of investors in the mission have sued Thompson because they knew it was a gamble to begin with, she said. Moreover, as Bob Evans explained, the actual value of the gold was highly speculative in the first place. The inventory has been published. There is no other gold that has been recovered. Perhaps the math is not simple, but it is not beyond the talents of the most elementary minds, or at least the reasonably educated.
But according to Quintin Lindsmith, attorney for the Dispatch Printing Company, recouping the supposedly missing returns is not the point. Thirty years and two months after the treasure was found, Thompson was driven the long three hours from Milan, Michigan, to Columbus, Ohio, to stand trial and answer questions many people had been waiting a long time to ask. The missing defendant suggested a repeat of previous events.
Had he somehow fled? Thompson, in a navy sport coat and light-colored plaid shirt, was momentarily nonplussed, and his eyes, behind his black, thick-framed glasses, registered a small amount of surprise. Most damning, however, was alleged evidence that he had stashed gold at the bottom of the sea, presumably to be retrieved later on: When the receivership went back down to the Central America in , they found coins and gold bars that had been neatly laid out on trays.
Thompson also admitted that he had made off with the gold coins as a form of remuneration he felt he was due. In her testimony, Alison Antekeier said that between and she moved them from California to a safe-deposit box in in Jacksonville, and then to a storage facility in Fort Lauderdale, where she gave them, in a handful of suitcases, to a man who was supposed to transfer them to an irrevocable trust in Belize. This was the point Thompson was trying to make all along. As his attorney Keith Golden explained, an irrevocable trust means that once the trust is set up, the person who opened it cannot access it without the permission of the named beneficiaries.
Who was supposedly named as beneficiaries on the trust is unclear. The ruling was later overturned on appeal. Finally, after weeks of testimony, the attorneys made their closing arguments and the jury reached its verdict. Thompson sat in his wheelchair, legs shackled, as the official paperwork was handed from the foreman to the bailiff to the judge.
After the decades of science, discovery, stress and flight, it all came down to this. In the matter of the civil case against, it was determined that defendant Thomas G. Thompson sat expressionless while everyone else gasped. However, the jury declined to award any punitive damages or court fees, indicating that there was no evidence that Thompson acted with malice.
Either way, Lindsmith said the victory is once again about the principle. Like the cost of the litigation itself, the financial cost is immaterial to the larger point. The receivership is fielding offers for a multitude of items from the Central America and the recovery missions. Available for sale are bits and pieces of scientific and historical ephemera , including silicone molds with gold coin impressions, and even the Nemo , the remote underwater vehicle that was the first human contact with the Central America since They have tickets from the passengers.
Golden adds that the relentless litigation torpedoed an opportunity that would have made the Central America recovery look like chump change. Thompson was working with the Colombian government in the mids to recover an old galleon whose estimated value is legitimately a few billion dollars. The next steps for Thompson in the case brought by Dispatch Printing include an appeal of the judgment, with the hopes that the award will be diminished or overturned.
Separately, Thompson has filed an appeal in federal court to be let out of prison. Thompson is currently awaiting the ruling of a three-judge panel about whether or not his is valid. What little time he has to use the phone is spent speaking with lawyers, business partners, and his family; ditto for the days he can have visitors. And after decades of developing new technology, going after hidden gold, and having to fight in court, Thompson is used to secrecy and has no reason to talk about the case to anyone.
Alison Antekeier still lives in Columbus, keeps a low profile, and is still reportedly very sympathetic to Thompson. Numerous attempts to contact her went unanswered. In Ship of Gold in the Deep Blue Sea , Gary Kinder includes chilling survivor accounts of the Central America disaster, including men and women screaming maniacally as they dumped out purses and emptied hidden pockets of gold as the ship sank.
The vacated wealth was something they otherwise would have killed to protect. It was mania wrought by the plague of gold, a crippling infirmity that afflicts humans alone. These Syrian children survived attacks that left them burned beyond belief. One program thousands of miles from home is offering them life-changing treatment. W inter was on its way in northwestern Syria when Hana Al Saloom awoke around 6 a. There was a chill in the air. Her 5-year-old daughter, Aysha, was asleep near a gas heater, as her brothers and sisters slept in other rooms.
Hana blinked. The blast knocked her down. Then screams. She swiveled on her knees. She looked around. Everything was on fire. It was as if her house had exploded. The impact must have caused the gas heater to blow up too. The flames spread fast. Hana raced outside with her older children. He had reached into the flames to pull her out. His legs and hands were seared. But Aysha was injured the worst. Neighbors rushed to put out the fire on her body — and all around them.
Her skin was smoldering. A neighbor rushed Aysha and her dad to a hospital. Her wavy hair dances around her bright eyes. There she is in a white blouse. There she is in a purple plaid dress. There she is with pigtails, sitting on a swing, wearing a white, blue and red polka-dotted tutu. Her mouth hung open, her eyes slightly cracked, her neck as reddish-pink as a bloody raw steak.
Her face looked as if someone had slathered it with a mud mask. Pasty in some places, blackened in others. But her skin, Hana says, was still there, even if it had turned a different shade. Badly hurt and on the brink of death, that is how Hana remembered her daughter on the day she was burned.
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