My Beloved Child: My journey since the death of my daughter


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You will feel instantly not so alone on this journey. It's sheer trauma watching the life slip from your most cherished loved one, and it's the law of the jungle that we outlive our children. And you endured the most unthinkable experience, so be gentle with yourself and reach out to those you don't want to burden, because maybe they are waiting UNTIL YOU want to talk about it. My brother was killed in an accident at 15 years, and I always always asked my Mum how she coped with it, survived that loss, and she said if she had a choice, to, never have had the devastating loss and not know depth of anguish by not habing him for 15 years, she'll take the pain and grief.

She had him, he was her child and the love they knew, was worth the suffering then. Eventually Mum learned to live with it, and as much as we don't want let go of the pain in fear of letting go of them, its where Im at right now in my journey time moves us forward. But for now it's getting through the small hour's when the world is asleep and functioning when the world is awake. My son said to me only a few day's ago, when I said I don't want to imagine tomorrow and past that, without my Mum, she was my everything alongside my kids,.

My son said this. To imagine my first memories of my Mum, which I did, he then asked how quickly have the years gone since the first memory to this, and it's alarming how fast. He then pointed out that I had more years with my Mum, than I had left on this earth without her. That sort of slapped me awake temporarily albeit. Your brother is there with him, I pray you find a comfort in that. And I pray you recognise the signs that he is still with you, when they come. And above all I pray you are led toward a way of getting through this. God bless you x.

I dont know if what i have to say will help you in anyway. I am so sorry that you have had to endure a mothers worst nightmare the loss of your son and also in a very short space of time the loss of your brother. My son died in jan of bowel cancer with liver mets after being diagnosed at the beginning of may We had that precious time with him, he had planned to get married on 25 may and that went ahead and very bittersweet day.

Eventually that terrible day when he died. I have to say my husband and i have been through a very dark time, he now goes to Maggies weekly and finds that helps him. I have tried counselling but find it difficult to share my anguish like that. My daughters are trying to deal with it in their own way.

I am not the person i was before Jonathan died and never will be. I think increased anxiety and feelings of hopelessness are associated with this tragedy in our lives. I have to think i had Jonathan for 35years and ten days and try to think of all the lovely memories, it is not easy and the slightest thing can be like an arrow through your heart.

I know that my son was so worried about how his death would affect me and i hold that in my heart and try to make the most of each day. I am sorry that i cannot come with anything that will really help you. It is not right for your child to die before you, that is not how it should be and the learning to live your life without their physical presence is so so hard. Sending you love from someone who knows your pain. Thank you for taking the time to reply, I'm considering all the advice and thinking I might go to my GP, I have a constant scared like feeling in my stomach, which I think may be anxiety.

I have many flashbacks to the time in the hospital and the last 3 weeks in the hospice. My husband passed away from pancreatic cancer in and we were married for almost 40 years and he was my best friend and soul mate. Grief is a horrific journey as we are all aware of and the first year I was in shock; the second year reality began to set in, but I also forced myself to invite friends and family over a couple of times during the year.

I would have my private cries in the washroom as I saw couples sitting together knowing how much my husband would have enjoyed being there and I felt 'like the elephant in the room. Grief has now been labeled under Post Traumatic Stress and it is. It's difficult for us to suddenly realize our spouses are gone and our life at the time seems as if it's the end of everything.

We hesitate to let our feelings out in public, but our hearts are broken. That saying 'time heals' is often misunderstood. I volunteer to keep busy, joined a Bible Study, help others. I believe grief teaches us lessons although we don't like what we're going through, but I know it's made me stronger, more humble and much more in tune with other's problems where I try to help. Yes, I do have my rough days as well off and on, but not nearly as much as when my husband passed away.

By no means have I ever forgotten him for a second and I even still speak to him in the privacy of my home or in the car. I miss him like hell! I feel he's around always there to keep me safe. You will get over the heart-wrenching feeling you are going through now and learn to live in a new routine and believe it or not learn to laugh again and enjoy a bit of life. Please have faith. I'm going through. Some days it's hard to wrap my head around his passing and remaining in this big house that he purchased for us.

Everything is as he left it and I feel like this journey for me has just begun. Not married as long as others 4 yrs on the 22 of May, but been together since Cancer came into our lives and took my husband away from me and I'm angry about that. How do you go on without your best friend, the love of your life, your better half?

It Begins, Life Without My Son | NAMI: National Alliance on Mental Illness

I'm praying for healing because my heart is heavy and even though you have family and friends, how can they understand your pain if they haven't walked in your shoes? They won't, Sheila; but if They're at-least There for-you, that'll help. And, I agree: Life without love is existing; I'd give anything just for one more hug Terribly sorry for your loss: Life seems so empty now And again: no, few if-any will ever understand Your Grief, but if they're still there for you, That's saying a lot about them.

Be patient, as hard as it is for us to understand I just can't , it's worse for others, moreso if they've never lost their soulmate. For years he battled non alcoholic cirrhosis of the liver but that was not the reason for his death. We were married for 44 years. He was 73 and I was 66 years old. We have no children. He was my everything. A piece of me died when he died. I am on meds and go to a grief counselor. It is helping but nothing can take the place of my husband.

I often feel I am nothing without him. I go day to day existing. Life goes on but I do not like this new life. Stephanie, I'm so sorry to hear about the passing of your husband. Since I first posted my journey, I've been doing much better but don't get me wrong, I still have my days. For the very first time, I became angry last week since he passed. I was angry at him for leaving me, at his Cancer diagnose, for feeling all alone because the smoke cleared and all the texts, phone calls have ceased and I'm dealing with this changed all alone.

I've just started a new job that I love and I know he would've been so proud of me because he was my biggest supporter. Prayer work and give yourself as much time as you need to heal and move forward. I write, I cry, I yell and I pick myself up. Lost my husband Oct He was 74 and I am I was with him since I was That is my whole life. He was always there. I have never been on my own, until now. I lost my only sibling, sister 16 months before my husband died So I have lost the 3 most important people in my life I have children.

Every day is just one more day I know my husband would want me to be strong and carry on and enjoy life Half of me is gone. I feel your pain. I know exactly how you feel. I was married to my husband when I was We were married 54 years. Somtimes the Loneliness is unbearable. I did start dating for 4 months but could not handle it,I was so confused and felt like I was cheating on my husband so I broke it off. I also think he was sick of me talking about him.

Now I miss him. I have no idea what to do any more. Just go on and try the best I can. I am just reaching out l lost my husband in December he died at the age of 59 from pancreatic cancer. He was very brave so l have tried to be the same. In April my mum died and l have had to move in with my stepfather as he is in poor health.

I go to work it l am so lonely without them and feel so low its almost unbearable at times. I try to keep going but l am exhausted with grief. I lost my husband 59 from pancreatic cancer as well. We had so many plans for the future and I am now faced to do it alone. I also lost my Mom this year and she was such good support for me. Some days the loneliness is overwhelming but I am starting to have some better days as well. I still work part-time so I think that is what keeps me sane.

I wish you well on your new journey and just remember you are stronger than you realize. I go to work but l am so lonely without them and feel so low its almost unbearable at times.


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After losing my younger son in a road accident 15 years ago, I lost my wife 15 months ago. We were married at 19, and stayed together despite turbulence for 45 years. I recognise all these good peoples emotions, sadness, grief, especially since seeing a good counsellor. Before doing so, I had never appreciated that my whole life has been geared to providing and caring for others. Never myself. And it's left me with no real function in this world. My remaining son doesn't really need me, neither does my daughter-in-law from the son we lost.

They have their own lives to lead, and I don't figure much in either family, since they undoubtedly feel my pain, and don't need to worsen their own pain with it. So I went travelling for 4 months. And while away decided I just want to spend the rest of my life doing just that. Oh I'll come home to see my grandkids, but I have friends and family all over the world, so I may as well go and spend time with them. It won't prevent the pain and loneliness, in fact it makes it worse at times, but it would be worse at times at home too.

So if travelling makes you happy, I suggest you do just that too. It has opened my eyes to how lonely so many folk are on this planet, and how selfish others can be. When learning from my counsellor how to cope with grief, I realised I have suppressed mine from losing my son for most of the time, for fear of worsening my wife's depression.

So now she has gone, and I am free to grieve as often as I want, I find it hits me at strange times, but not usually when doing something I really enjoy, like kayaking in the sea, snorkelling with sharks and whales, or walking in the wilderness, despite them all being things we had enjoyed doing together, because the amount of my enjoyment is so great. That's my secret to handling my grief. Maybe it can help others too. Bless you all. I am really glad to find this forum I lost my dear husband nearly 10 years ago he died suddenly but it still feels like only yesterday I loved him so much and will never get over it people say it will get better but how can it when the love you have had for so many years is gone I have a great family And some lovely grandchildren which help to keep me going I have taken medication since I lost my husband for anxiety and depression which I dont like doing but don't think I could cope without it.

Thankyou for letting me talk about this and hope everyone soon feels better. On January 13,,My husband of 54 years passed away. He had diabetes and heart disease,which we did not know. He refused to see a doctor for years. I have dealt with guilt because I should have tried harder to persuade him to seek medical attention. But I realize it was his choice not to,and I'm beginning to accept that fact.

The loneliness is the worst part of grieving. This has been the worst year of my life,the hurt from losing him is so intense ,sometimes I can hardly bear it. I have found that if I can keep very busy,it helps. I also attend church on a regular basis. I have children and they are a great help. I take two and half mile walks almost daily with my neighbor,she has been a godsend.

I have gardened,did some home canning. I have also been making some home repairs. I have painted my home inside and out,mowed my own yard and anything else I could find to do. I try to eat healthy and take care of myself. With Winter coming in a few months,I don't know how well I will do,but I find that prayer is also a great comfort.

People have told me that things will get better,I sure hope they're right. To all you other posters on here,I know how you feel,Just try to hang in there and do whatever you can find to keep busy,it helps. My husband and I had a good marriage. I just miss him so terribly. But through it all,I realize that I must go on and do the best I can.

I'm looking forward to being with him again,and someday I will,that is the hope that gives me some comfort. Hi Margaret. I just lost my ex-husband to a massive stroke. We were married and divorced but stayed together for 18 years except when I left him for 6 months because he was so verbally abusive. He was an alcoholic and also was clinically depressed and bi-polar. I spent 5 months back with him and during that time he refused a lot of medical help. He was on blood pressure meds and anti-depressants and drank. He began to go downhill experiencing weakness and a loss of appetite. I came home one Sunday at supper time to find him unresponsive in a chair outside.

It was 18 years of ongoing chaos, hospitalization and rehab programs. He attempted suicide several times. Lost jobs and finally received disability because he was such a mental mess. I feel somewhat guilty about not forcing him into the hospital. It was really rather a one sided relationship. I did all the nurturing and work in the relationship.

He got drunk and selfishly persued his path of self-destruction. I still loved him but hated him at times. Thank goodness I can leave the city where we were staying and am moving to another state. I won't have to worry about him anymore. I paint as a hobby and have a supportive family.

I Am Still Your Daughter…You are Still my Mother

He was my third husband and I cared for him a great deal. Funny how I miss him even though I really did not have a good relationship. I felt like an outsider looking in. He was diagnosed with stage 4 melanoma and died last month as a hospice patient. Today I drown in so much sadness and pain as I remember how he suffered as he waited to die. How can someone lay in bed dealing with his mortality? All I want to do is go where he is and comfort him for the pain he endured. I wonder how much of this I can take.

I find comfort in being alone and pretending he is near me. I have one son, he is a young man with friends and a job. This is only the beginning of a new journey for me - alone. This is such a horrible feeling, there are more bad days than good ones. Dear Elena, My heart goes out to you, but please know this: His pain is gone now. He is at peace, and your desire to soothe his pain would be better used to soothe your own pain.

I don't mean to tell you what to do, but when someone dies, somehow they deal with their mortality much more serenely and calmly than we can. Please try to concentrate on his eternal peace and know that things will get better. I know you can do it! Getting better is not a sign that you loved him less. Please know that, too. Love coming your way. How have you done since you wrote this? We both worked so hard in our years and fought so much to just get through and raise our 4 kids. She was 62 and just wanting to be the grandmother she was.

We bought a beautiful retirement home. It was only 3 months in that we got the shocking diagnosis of stage 4 lung cancer with mets to her brain in the form of 20 tumors. I was told she had 2 months-she did not want to know. It was horrible and she did pass in the 2 months as they said. Now I alone in a house that was a home and is now my own tomb. I hate every night and wake up in am. I dont want to live-I want to be with her.

Its now almost Christmas Eve and its total devastation. We were first loves- HS sweethearts-she was my only love- my rock. I am now 64 feeling like I have nothing left but to hope one night I go to sleep and dont wake up! I ask God to take me but he refuses? You took her from me plenty fast! I see trucks coming towards me and sometimes think just steer into it- but never pull it off.

I cant do that to my kids and anyone else- this must end properly. I am trying to go on with life after suddenly losing my beloved husband of 29 years - together 34 years. They still don't know where the infection was, but he suffered multi organ failure, and there was no hope for him.

I feel like I was hit by a mack truck, still cannot believe he is gone. And he was always willing to help others out. No chance to really say good bye. The doctors didn't catch the sepsis until the wee hours of the next morning, then it was too late. I stumble around the house - can hardly bear to go down to his man cave area - what's the use? Life is a chore now, has no meaning without the love of my existence. I so want to go join him so - but also worry about my animals - what would become of them?

It was supposed to be just an ordinary day - little did I know it would turn out to be a nightmare I can't wake up from. I am still in shock - how can this beautiful human being be gone from this earth? Why do we have to go on without our mates? I wish God made it so when one goes, the other follows. His song to me was "You'll always be beautiful in my eyes" by Joshua Kadison. I can't listen to it now - too painful. Even though I was no spring chicken, and getting older - he didn't care - he never criticized me about anything - was just grateful I was his wife, and that I was always there for him in his later years as he suffered some health issues.

My only hope and wish to be able to join him one day in Heaven. What a wonderful and very special man God blessed me with.


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No one could ever take his place, and I will remain his widow until we are reunited. My heart is broken beyond repair. We referred to each other by name, of course, but also by birth order. We lost the 7th, my sister, Faith, 20 years ago. Faith is no longer physically here. But no one takes her place. Faith is still my little sister. I am still who I am, where I am, in this family. On the day, itself, I realized the significance that 2 decades have passed. Missing you, Faith, and looking forward to hearing your lovely singing and impeccable piano playing, again.

It deepens the task of understanding who I am now that a loved one has gone, by joining it to task 4 of the enduring relationship with the deceased. My joys, responsibilities, actions of my relationship may have changed, and may change the way I feel about my identity initially, but that identity never ceases even though it moves to another place in my heart.

I am still your daughter because you are still with me. You are the first person I think of every day when I wake up. You have moved on but are still in the world around me. Thank you, Dad. I am forever your daughter and you are forever my mother — you are a part of my soul, my heart and my spirit. I am made from you. I feel you with me every day and it comforts me and makes me smile. You will always be with me and we will see each other again one day. Love you forever sweet Momma. We lost you in April at almost years old. We had you so long, yet it was still so hard to let go.

Us four girls were with you for that last week and two of us were with you at the very end. You were still our mom, right up to almost the very end, sharing in our funny and happy family memories with us. You gave me more hugs and kisses that week than I think you had given me my whole life and it was wonderful.

You taught me lessons that week.

The family I thought I would let go of when you were gone, became very important to me again that week. In some ways, more important than when we were younger. I love you mom, and always have and always will. I try to be the good woman you were, not always successfully as you know, but I keep trying to live up to the example you set for us. I have a close bond to my kids and grandkids, so I got some of that right and a 45 year marriage, also your example. I will always love you and keep you in m y heart and life and hear your voice teaching and guiding me. My mother died two years ago.

Thank you for your writing. So again, thank you, so much, for sharing your words. You are still my parents in my heart and I feel your presence every day. You left this mortal and unfair place just over 3 months ago as you died 12 days apart of each other. I miss you so much from the moment I open my eyes to the moment I fall asleep. But now I have to carry on with my journey on this Earth as you did with yours. I know that I can do it because you are watching over me every day and you would like me to be the best mother and wife and sister.

Love you my beautiful, hard working and loving parents. Good day everybody my name is Mrs Caroline Gilli am here to share with you my life experience how a great man called Dr Alexzander saved me and my marriage. I want to tell all the women out there who have a similar situation like that the world is not over YET they should dry up their tears and contact this great man and their problem will be gone or are you also having other problems you can also contact Dr Alexzander, here is how you can contact him.

Thank Dr Alexzander for everything you did in my marriage. Thanks Caroline Grilli. There is nothing still about still being your mother. I am loudly your mother. Was the day I signed papers allowing your adoption. Every day you lived there and I lived here. Out loud the day in your 18th year that we met. Loudly, loudly I am, still, your mother 4 months after you have ceased to breathe. I breathe you loud and clear. You are still, my daughter, right out loud here in my heart, still. I am still your daughter Dad and you are still my dad.

Reading this article gave me comfort and clarity that me being your daughter and you being my dad cannot be taken away. My goal is to continue to live to make you proud, take you on adventures in spirit still counts and thrive not just survive. Thanks for loving me so well Dad. You are still my daughter.

I cannot see you or touch you but you are still a very real part of my life. I dont say that I have only one daughter now, I still have 2 daughters, one is here on earth with me and the other is in Heaven with our Savior. But we are left behind grieving for you. There has been a gaping hole in my heart for the last 2 months that no one can fill but you.

But knowing that God is taking care of you brings me a little bit of peace. As long as you are happy and not sick then we are happy for you, we will be ok down here. We know we will be with you again. So my sweet daughter, enjoy the beauty that only Heaven can hold, rest in the love and peace that God gives you, and tell the rest of the family that we will see them all soon.

I love you now and forever!!! I am still your daughter because Mum and Dad you made me so I carry you both in me physically as well as in my heart. I miss you both so much and hope you are together somewhere having fun and laughing together. I am still your daughter because I would not be who I am without you. As I navigate this new journey of motherhood, I feel your guidance, I hear your voice, I remember every embrace, every kiss, every encouragement… every energy you put into raising me. I lean upon you, still, to help me be my best self for my son. I want to make you proud.

If I can be just half the mom you are, I know William will be ok. I love you so much, mom. Valentino, I am still your mother because you are and you will always be part of my body and my soul. I am still your mother because I feel that you are next to me.

Together we will beat cancer

I am still your mother because every day I heard your heartbeat in my mind and in my heart. You will always be my son, and I will always be your mama. I love you so much that hurts. I love you with my soul because one day my heart will stop, but my soul will find you, I promised to you when you left, and I promise to you now and every remaining days of my life.. Te ama mama. I am still your mother because I grew you inside my body.

I gave birth to you.

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I was there for your first breathe. I loved you from the second I saw your beautiful face. I fed you from my body. I kissed your wounds I played with you. I went to ever school function you had. I defended you always. I was there when you gave birth to your children. I Wil always be your mom. I see you in my dreams I feel your presence. I see you in the smile of your children. Always and forever my jiffynerd.

Love mom. I watched how strong you were and never failing as a mother. I love you and I know you must be walking beside me. How else could I do this. You are still my son, I am still your Mother. When death took you from me my fear was you would be forgotten and my deepest sadness that I was no longer the mother of a very special son. With the passage of time I realize those that love you will never forget you and yes, I will always be the proud mother of a son who showed kindness, generosity, patience, who was funny, smart and very handsome. A son who made this mother feel loved and appreciated always.

I miss you my son, with all my heart. My Damian. My father died suddenly when I was 17, but my mother lived to 89 years of age.

Jesus Raises The Son of The Widow of Nain

I lost my wife a year ago after a long illness. I keep one thing in mind. I feel their presence. Does an owl hoot mean there is a sign? Does a firefly buzzing by blinking a light man there is a sign? Does a deer coming out of woods mean there is a sign? Some may say these are coincidences, but I can choose whether it is a coincidence or a sign. Well, I think you have to fill in that blank. Find something you are excited about, and hope to see it to become a positive fruition. I am still your wife cause you took apart of me with you when you left my heart.

I pray we will be together again soon my love always. I am still your daughter because I miss you more than ever, even though you left this life for life eternal almost 11 years ago. Mum I miss you so much. You were my biggest cheerleader, my North Star, my sounding board and my friend.

Tell Dad and everyone I love them too. I am still your daughter because when I look in the mirror, I have your eyes. I remember your voice and your laugh and I laugh like that too. I am still your daughter because I am because of you. I am still your son and you will always be my Mom. I miss you terribly and think of you all the time, nearly 6 years after your death. I wish I had more good memories of you and I wish you had lived a more peaceful life- away from all your mental and physical pain. But I cherish the good times I remember with you.

Thank you for always making me feel loved and encouraged, despite your own struggles. How do I find the words to describe you and your immense love but complicated life to people who will never even meet you? I wish you did not choose to leave, but know that I forgive you and I understand and I hope you never doubted for a second the ocean of love I have always and will always have for you.

God, help me. Ken, I am still your wife and you still my husband because you were my sweetheart and my best friend for 30 years, and nothing will ever replace that. I am still your wife because it has been 18 months, and while my greatest fear was losing connection to you, my love for you remains as strong as it ever was.

I am still your wife because of the unconditional love we shared, even when I drove you crazy.

My Beloved Child: My journey since the death of my daughter My Beloved Child: My journey since the death of my daughter
My Beloved Child: My journey since the death of my daughter My Beloved Child: My journey since the death of my daughter
My Beloved Child: My journey since the death of my daughter My Beloved Child: My journey since the death of my daughter
My Beloved Child: My journey since the death of my daughter My Beloved Child: My journey since the death of my daughter
My Beloved Child: My journey since the death of my daughter My Beloved Child: My journey since the death of my daughter

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