Uncle Johns Funniest Ever Bathroom Reader (Uncle Johns Bathroom Reader)

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You can definitely see the face of Jesus, Heller said. What Happened: The pierogi was immediately locked away in the church freezer, where it will stay until someone figures out what to do with it. Background: Kitchen worker Cruz Jacinto, 27, had just clocked in for her shift at the Bodega Chocolate store in August when she noticed a peculiar two-inch chunk of dark chocolate drippings beneath the vat.

She pulled out a picture of the Virgin of Guadalupe that she keeps with her at all times and compared it with the chocolate. The chunk, she said, was the spitting image of the Madonna and Child. What Happened: A glass table was set up near the front door of the store, and the figurine was set out among the candles, roses, and other gifts left by the faithful. Just look at her. Update: Bodega Chocolate went out of business in ; the whereabouts of the Chocolate Madonna are unknown.

Background: year-old Texan Ernesto Garza was halfway through his bacon-and-egg taco one morning in August when he suddenly recognized the face of Jesus in the burn marks of the tortilla. What Happened: Garza gazed at the taco for about five minutes, then wrapped the miracle in aluminum foil and put it in the fridge. He plans to frame it and hang it on the wall, just as soon as he figures out a way to preserve it without refrigeration.

Background: In November , Ernesto Hernandez was sitting down to a delicious chicken dinner prepared by his wife. He cut off a bite-size piece from a chicken breast, and just as he was about to pop it in his mouth, he saw the face of a bearded man seared into the fried bread crumbs. Which bearded man? It looks like Jesus. What Happened: Hernandez put the miraculous morsel in the refrigerator overnight. It shrank a bit, but the face was still visible. At last report he and his wife were trying to figure out a way to preserve it permanently.

Background: During Holy Week in March , Irish Society counselor Katie Keogh was taking a call at her desk when she looked over and saw what appeared to be eyes, a nose, a mouth, and a beard squashed into the folds of the green seat cushion on the chair opposite hers. I had to do a double take, she told the Coventry Telegraph. I thought it looked like any face at first, but when I looked closely I realized it was the face of Jesus. What Happened: The society brought in a priest to bless the cushion, but there are no plans to preserve it forever. In Nevada state senator Tick Segerblom proposed a bill legalizing medical marijuana…for dogs and cats.

Segerblom acknowledged that there are no formal studies proving the medical benefits of getting your furry friends high, but said a veterinarian told him it could potentially ease the suffering of pets with debilitating illnesses. Defending the tax, Orcutt claimed that cyclists cost the state money: The act of riding a bike results in greater emissions of carbon dioxide from the rider.

Since CO2 is deemed to be a greenhouse gas and a pollutant, bicyclists are actually polluting when they ride. After a public outcry, Orcutt backpedaled, saying he meant that cyclists have a lower footprint but not a zero footprint but that his e-mail was poorly worded. During an Iowa House debate on collective bargaining for teachers, State Rep.

Ross Paustian was photographed holding a book called Sex After Sixty. The bill had already made it through two subcommittees when the students went on a field trip to the state capitol building to watch the final floor vote. When they arrived in the assembly hall, the lawmakers applauded them…and then lambasted the bill. This hawk grasps its prey with its talons and then uses its razor-sharp beak to basically tear it apart limb by limb, said Rep. Warren Groen. It would serve as a much better mascot for Planned Parenthood. Then the civic-minded students got to watch their beloved House Bill lose by a vote.

In the s, computers still operated by having users enter long lines of code, which could be why they were used primarily at academic and research facilities. A Stanford Research Institute engineer named Douglas Engelbart thought computers would be a lot easier to use if they were more interactive. While sitting in a meeting one day, he thought about creating a small wheeled object that would move across a table, and its movements would translate to moving a cursor across the screen.

After writing software that made the computer able to recognize the device, they wired it into the computer, and as Engelbart wheeled the box around his desk, the cursor on his screen moved accordingly. So that became its name. It was secure, but annoying if you had to remove a page. Sixteen-year-old Louis Baltzley saw his father—an inventor who often had to revise patent applications—do it hundreds of times.

In , he had an idea. Inspired by surgical clamps, he made a hinged metal clamp. It could bind a stack of pages, but if one had to be removed, he simply opened the clamp. More than years later, the design of the binder clip is largely unchanged. In Adolf Ehinger ran a small machine repair shop in his home town of Balingen, Germany.

At night, he secretly printed anti-Nazi pamphlets. One day a neighbor discovered what Ehinger was doing and threatened to report him to the authorities. Ehinger had to get rid of the incriminating evidence. Taking inspiration from a hand-cranked pasta maker, which turns sheets of dough into pasta, Ehinger built a hand-cranked wooden shredder that turned paper into thin strips. It worked. After attaching an electric motor to it in , Ehinger got a patent and took his aktenvernichter literally paper shredder to office product trade shows…where no company was interested in mass-producing it.

Today information destruction is a multimillion-dollar industry, and shredders have become essential equipment for almost every business. Chester Carlson graduated with a physics degree in —at the beginning of the Great Depression. Jobs were scarce then, and the only work he could find was as a clerk in the patent department of Bell Labs in New York. The job—hand-copying patent applications, along with their included sketches and charts—exacerbated the arthritis in his hands, so Carlson set out to create an automatic document-copying technique.

He set up shop on his kitchen table in Queens and started experimenting with photoconductivity , charging metal plates with static electricity to make chemical powders cling to the plate and then applying heat from his stove to transfer an image to paper.


Uncle John's Funniest Ever Bathroom Reader

In , Carlson made a glass slide with the date on it, rubbed cotton against a sulfur-coated zinc plate, and then pressed the slide to the plate. He held the slide up to a light, dusted it with chemical powders, then pressed the slide to paper on the heated plate. The image transferred. They called the process xerography , Greek for dry writing, and named the machine that performed it a Xerox.

Xerox machines sold moderately in the s, but sales soared when the first fully automated push-button model was introduced in He worked for two years, from to , modifying a Xerox copier, replacing its photographic machinery with a mirrored eight-sided drum and a laser. That year, the company debuted the Xerox laser printer commercially. Want to impress your friends with tales of travels to exotic lands? If you thought this town was probably founded by homesick Poles, guess again.

From until , the village was known as Richmond Courthouse. When the first farmers arrived in this part of the Idaho panhandle in the early s, their pigs fed so well on camas bulbs and other local plants that the farmers called it Hog Heaven. Would you settle in a place called Hog Heaven? The name soon gave way to Paradise Valley.

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Then in , postmaster Samuel Neff, a native of Moscow, Pennsylvania, and onetime resident of Moscow, Iowa—and a man apparently lacking in imagination—gave the settlement its current name while filling out the papers for its first post office. Damascus, Syria, is one of the oldest continuously occupied cities in the world. It voted to incorporate in to avoid being annexed by the nearby city of Portland.

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Nearly two-thirds of its citizens voted to kill their own city, but the measure fell votes short of passage, so Damascus is still a city…for now. Like Moscow, Idaho, Transylvania is only indirectly named for its European namesake. The town was founded in the early s by a real estate speculator named Dr. Richards, an alumnus of Transylvania University, the oldest college in Kentucky. The school in turn was named for the Transylvania Colony, which comprised much of modern-day Kentucky and part of Tennessee. The colony, founded with help from Daniel Boone in , faded away just one year after it was organized, when the Continental Congress declined to recognize it.

Bigger faces? A standard American washcloth is 1 inch larger per side than a British washcloth. This community was founded in when a farmer, storekeeper, and postmaster named George W. Wright donated 50 acres of land to establish the town. Since it was the most prominent business in town, the town was named Paris as well.

This former mill town on the shores of Lake Michigan boomed in the early s following the Great Chicago Fire and the fires that destroyed Peshtigo, Wisconsin, and Holland and Manistee, Michigan. So much forestland around Singapore was chopped down to provide lumber for rebuilding that the town no longer had a physical barrier between it and the sand dunes along the lakeshore, nor did it have any protection from the high winds that blow in off the lake.

Its timber resources exhausted, Singapore was abandoned by , and within a few decades was completely buried in sand. John Frankenberger, a German immigrant, named the tiny settlement after his hometown in It was perhaps the only place so named until , when Soviet dictator Joseph Stalin split East Germany off from Germany proper and made Soviet-occupied East Berlin the capital.

Odds of suffering sudden cardiac arrest: 1 in , While running a marathon: 1 in 50, In Italian archaeologist Giacomo Boni was leading an excavation project at the Roman Forum, the massive collection of structures that made up the center of ancient Rome, when he decided to augment the slow, painstaking work on the ground with something new: he took photographs of the site from a hot-air balloon, floating feet off the ground. The photos gave Boni a perspective nobody had ever seen before. Within a decade, aerial photography was being used at ancient sites around the world, and a whole new field of study—aerial archaeology—was born.

The field has expanded exponentially in the century since because of advances in both flight and imaging technology, and today is considered a major part of archaeology in general. In , British air force pilot and archaeology enthusiast Lionel Rees was flying over a vast, remote desert region in what is now Jordan when he saw what seemed to be three large circles drawn on the empty desert below him. They were enormous—one was more than 1, feet in diameter—and they were so close to perfectly round that Rees felt they had to be man-made.

He took photographs from his plane and wrote about the circles in archaeology journals. Amazingly, though, they were largely ignored for decades and have only been formally studied in the last 20 years, during which time several more Big Circles, as they are known today, have been discovered in Jordan, Syria, and Turkey. Ranging from to 1, feet in diameter, the circles are actually made from low rock walls, a few feet high and a few feet thick, constructed at least 2, years ago—possibly much longer.

Nobody has any idea who made them or what purpose they served. And nobody had any idea they were there until Rees spotted them from his airplane in Studies of the circles—and searches for more—are ongoing. In another British air force pilot, Gilbert Insall, was flying over southern England—not far from the famous ancient ruin Stonehenge—when he spotted an odd pattern of crops in the farmland below. It was the discovery of what aerial archaeologists now call cropmarks. Simple explanation: the buried remains of ancient ruins can affect crops planted above them, creating discernible patterns in those crops.

For example, the remains of a square structure lying beneath a wheat field can result in a square pattern in the field by stunting the growth of the plants directly above them. In this instance, Insall took photographs of the odd patterns he saw and showed them to local archaeologists, who were intrigued enough to start a dig at the site. A few years later, it was announced that Insall had discovered an ancient Stonehenge-like ruin, built around — BC. Instead of the rings of stone pillars Stonehenge is famous for, however, this site had rings of wooden poles— in total—hence the name Woodhenge.

Bonus: In Insall discovered another ancient ruin, this one more than 5, years old. During World War II, progress in both flight and photographic technology resulted in extensive use of aerial photography to gather intelligence. When the war ended, many people with years of experience studying such photography applied their skills to aerial archaeology. One of the most notable: John Bradford, who, as a British intelligence officer, was stationed in the Apulia region of southeastern Italy.

The region includes the heel of the boot of Italy. How many ancient settlements did Bradford discover? More than Many of the sites are still being studied today. Because the area was covered in exceptionally dry sand, which the SIR-A system was able to penetrate to a depth of almost 20 feet, the images that came back revealed the world beneath the sand—and those images stunned scientists around the world.

Reason: they revealed the presence of major river systems, long since dried up—and that the famously barren region was once a lush, watery wilderness. The discovery of the ancient rivers, which researchers came to call the Radar Rivers, was of special interest to archaeologists because ancient civilizations settled near fresh water systems. Excavations at locations along the heretofore unknown rivers have since revealed hundreds of ancient human settlements, some dating back tens of thousands of years. Ancient tools, such as stone axes—some dating back hundreds of thousands of years—have been discovered along the rivers as well.

The Black Death is a recent term. In the s it was called the Great Mortality or the Pestilence. In the early s, the husband-and-wife archaeology team of Arlen and Diane Chase started doing on-the-ground work at the ancient Mayan settlement of Caracol in Belize. LIDAR uses lasers to develop extremely high-resolution, three-dimensional topographic maps of large swaths of land.

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The technology was of special interest to the Chases because it can see through dense vegetation, such as the jungle they had been fighting for more than two decades. After just 24 hours of back-and-forth flying over the treetops, the system produced a map that told the Chases more about the site than they had learned in the previous 24 years. The images revealed thousands of ancient structures that the Chases had no idea existed, as well as roads, waterways, and farmland.

Without realizing it, the Chases had been studying the remains of an enormous Mayan city—roughly 80 square miles in size. In Supreme Court judge David Souter announced his retirement. Souter lives on a farm in rural New Hampshire, and one day, while on a drive, he stopped at a small roadside diner.

He confirmed that he was. Then they asked, Are you Justice Scalia? Not wanting to embarrass them, Souter said that yes, he was Justice Antonin Scalia. The couple then asked what his favorite part of working on the Supreme Court. His reply: The great honor of getting to work with Justice David Souter. Original name of the Elks Lodge: the Jolly Corks. It began in as a drinking club. Horseshoe crabs are more closely related to spiders than they are to other crabs.

Here are some in-jokes and gags you can look for the next time you see these movies. Who put the poster on the set? If you say those names out loud, it sounds a bit like Hans Christian Andersen. That was Kevin McCarthy, star of the Invasion of the Body Snatchers , who just happened to be filming another project nearby. Sutherland thought it would be neat if McCarthy re-created the final scene from the original film, so he did. In , when George Lucas and company returned to Tunisia, Africa, to film Attack of the Clones , they discovered that the skeleton was still there. It has since been scavenged by Star Wars collectors.

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Where to Find It: The orange carpet in the theater where Birdman is set has the same hexagonal pattern as the carpet in the Overlook Hotel, where The Shining takes place. Both films are about men in mental decline who see visions. Where to Find Them: At the beginning of the film—a true story of a depressed woman who hiked the Pacific Crest Trail in —Strayed has a cameo role as a woman who drops off Reese Witherspoon who plays Strayed in the movie at the trailhead.

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I tried to get in the movie, recalled Campbell, but there were no roles. I gave them [directors Joel and Ethan Coen] this footage to use as a joke, and they used it. Where to Find It: On a computer screen. The port of origin is listed as Long Beach, where the Dude and his beloved rug once lived. In the middle of the screen is a large yellow pattern surrounded by blue dots.

If you look closely, among the blue dots is a tiny yellow Pac-Man chomping in place. If you listen closely, you can hear his trademark waka-waka sound. Rise and shine! Most preschoolers learn more easily in the morning than in the afternoon. Ever tell your teacher the dog ate your homework?

These folks probably wish their dogs had eaten their homework…instead of what they did eat. But when Laird got home in December , Kia just wagged her tail a little and then wandered back to lie down, he said. He knew right away that Kia was sick, but he had to head straight back to London for another game, so he asked his partner, Lindsey Crowe, to take the dog to the animal hospital. The vet took X-rays, which revealed what appeared to be a large wad of aluminum.

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Uncle Johns Funniest Ever Bathroom Reader (Uncle Johns Bathroom Reader) Uncle Johns Funniest Ever Bathroom Reader (Uncle Johns Bathroom Reader)
Uncle Johns Funniest Ever Bathroom Reader (Uncle Johns Bathroom Reader) Uncle Johns Funniest Ever Bathroom Reader (Uncle Johns Bathroom Reader)
Uncle Johns Funniest Ever Bathroom Reader (Uncle Johns Bathroom Reader) Uncle Johns Funniest Ever Bathroom Reader (Uncle Johns Bathroom Reader)
Uncle Johns Funniest Ever Bathroom Reader (Uncle Johns Bathroom Reader) Uncle Johns Funniest Ever Bathroom Reader (Uncle Johns Bathroom Reader)
Uncle Johns Funniest Ever Bathroom Reader (Uncle Johns Bathroom Reader) Uncle Johns Funniest Ever Bathroom Reader (Uncle Johns Bathroom Reader)
Uncle Johns Funniest Ever Bathroom Reader (Uncle Johns Bathroom Reader) Uncle Johns Funniest Ever Bathroom Reader (Uncle Johns Bathroom Reader)

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